its been a while...

its been a while since the last time i entered some rants and blurted out some dramas on this site,

only updating this blog cause my officemates somehow reminded me that i have one

was not trying to refrain from writing its just that i have too much in my mind and too much to do that i always set aside stirring up my mind to produce a decent blog post

for some time since the last post, i have gotten rid of "diwata" in my mind for quite sometime, her being happy with someone else, and got hold of some one else, which did not also went the way i wanted it to.

hmmm, how would i call her, i also wanted to call her "diwata" but it would somehow be too inappropriate her knowing the story behind the real "diwata", some how.

is it bad to miss them both now?

"prinsesa", the new "diwata", was almost perfect, some beautiful, somehow boyish, cowboy type, independent, God fearing girl who i met thru facebook, YES, facebook. it was just one of those days that i was in a state of total depression that i tried to add ass many girls in facebook as i can. actually she was a facebook friend of a girl who did not even replied to my message. the funny thing is she did not even knew the common girl between us two.

anyway, we dated, everything was going well, but then one thing was keeping me from being serious with her, religion.

she is a devout born again christian, she told me that her past relationship ended tragically because of difference in belief, so i don't want her to go the same path once more. i was happy being casual, but unfortunately shit happens.

she was accepted to work overseas, which is another factor for me.

i can not handle a long distance relationship.

to cut the long story short, i was left with no one, all my fault, with a girl who met her match there.

well, that is life... :)

but the funny thing is, i thought i have already given up on "diwata" where the fact is, the minute i knew she was single again, if she is, all of the thoughts that are once hidden came back to hunt me. damn. is she the girl, who i can't have, forever?

it still hurts "diwata" a lot when she remembers the one stupid SMS i mis-sent her.

hay... i said to myself that i would stop with the dramas in my life, but obviously, its a part of me, good luck to me...

anyway, posted this first cause it will be soon be over posted by another idea in my mind... about my work experiences, i think that would be a break from the norm drama mode of me.

being unjennysided

unjennysided (with the battered and bruised icon)

means that even if i get hurt all the time and wait for things to happen, i should just let go and move on...

forget about her and take her off my system

the prefix un- means reverse action and the suffix -sided means side

hehe

its time to let go and move on, i think she already found her partner and is happy..

its not meant to offend anybody

specially her

the battered and bruised icon means that, well, that i was blinded and i did not see that i am being battered and bruised at the process.battered and bruised by the comments of others, seeing her with someone else and seeing her with the one she loves makes me hurt inside.

but its ok

i think i should be way pass that...

thanks

Finally

When: April 5, 2008, 3:00 pm sharp
Where: PICC
What: MY GRADUATION

is it the end?

I saw her, looking th other way, chatting away with friends.
Yes.
I saw her right there.
instantaneously i discontinued my path and stayed there, by the stairs.
Yes, i promised her i will not hide.
To always make known her presence.
Make it known to her that i saw her and not look the other way when i see her.
But why make me promise such thing if she, herself, would be the one who will hide from me.

I erased her number in my phone.
Maybe i would soon forget the she was sometime very important to me.
But i can't, i don't know how.
Maybe it is only for now, but damn, i don't want this feeling any longer.
It hurts.

Yes.
I erased her number, but i saw old text messages...
i can not forget her completely, yet.

She told me the typical "basted" lines
"You deserve someone better." "I don't deserve your love."
damn, she's the third girl who told me those lines whom i had courted with total seriousness.

I don't know how to move on.

I have fallen, and i don't know how to get myself back up again.


She wished me happiness, asked for forgiveness and told me to let go.
All i can say was my happiness lies in her.
She is my happiness.

bye bye butterfly
i thought you would stay
but just like a typical butterfly
you flew away


me and my cousins were at a beach somewhere in lubo, batangas. i do not know why i wrote this but i think i just miss her.