Finally

When: April 5, 2008, 3:00 pm sharp
Where: PICC
What: MY GRADUATION

and she said...

a good day to everybody. first of all i would like to thank the following people who have read my post and commented on it, even if its so damn "MADRAMA". i just wanted to express my feelings and i do not know where else to blurt it out but here. th following people are:

a. IRISH
b. DONYA QUIXOTE
c. ICARUS

bweno, lets start the post, i have wrote in

and she said "i love you as a firend.."

(literally wrong spelled cause the post was spelled wrong, and instead of changing it to the correct one,i rather left it that way cause the next post to it was related to it. )

that she has told me things got me somehow depressed. she already told me before that we are friends and i am, maybe, one of the very exceptional ones. but i kept on pushing myself in her heart to win her love. but then she told me just days ago those 5 words that a guy would go drama about. but then again, she somehow told me these things in reply to my post.

zeus..

this may seem so unusual of me to comment on this, but just let me do this, ok?

i love you as a friend.. if you can still remember, i had already said this twice. once, when you asked me about waiting etc, and lastly days before neces' variety show.

i want to say this personally, especially when we talked last wednesday. but honestly, i really don't want you to be hurt in anyway, or anyhow. i value our firnedship, and i'll always be thankful to you, not just because of all the things that you had done for me, but because of the happiness and contentment that i felt during those times when you make me feel how important i am to you. no one has ever touched my heart the way you did, and in my silence, i feel blessed to have you as a friend, and someone, “just” someone, but the ONE who cared the most, and loved the most.

no, i don't want this to be seen by people whom i don't know, my intention is just to say this in a way where i can pour out my emotions and all that's bothering my mind regarding this issue, and things that you have mentioned in the church. yes, in the church. some people may have a grudge on me because i have hurt you, although unintentionally, but still, i know i did, and it hurts me too. i don't want to justify myself to them, because they don't know me personally, and they know you better than me. i'll just let them think whatever they want to think about me. but what i'm concerned is what you think of me after the bliss.

At first, when you said that you somehow like me, I thought that you’re just one of them, just a passerby who comes, says hi, then leave after a short time. No, you’re not. You’re different from all the people I’ve met before. You made me feel happy after all the sadness that I once felt after a grim heartbreak. I thought that i don’t deserve to feel loved, and you proved it all wrong. At times when I feel so down and left out, you’re there by my side, uplifting my spirit, and renewing my views.

No, don’t let me enumerate all the things you have done/gave to me..
- a bottle full of stars
- a goodluck note pinned like those in wish bottles
- borrowed book from you classmate.. I think its an electronics book for our thesis
- a book entitled hope for the flowers, with so many butterflies evolved from two loving caterpillars
- letter
- fixing my blog layout

and so much more.. can’t enumerate, this would be flooding.. I just want to thank you again and again.. really appreciate those a lot. I really really do.

But then, stupid heart, yes, a fool’s heart is all I have. It doesn’t know how to stop, how to end and how to change its choice of the one. If only it knows who to pick so that it’ll not be broken again, if only…, you know it’s going to be you. You know I’m stuck, can’t get loose, cant breathe, can’t move on. Victims, we all are, and victims we’ll all gonna be.

I won’t say goodbye, because for me nothing has ended between us. We are still friends isn’t it?
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:35 am | #


Gravatar Goodbye is not meant for us, goodbyes are for the ones who trashes and leaves it all behind. I will still be here, and when you turn back to see who’s behind, you’ll find me there. But I will not force you, nor tell you what to do. I’ll do what you want, and be the one to adjust, at least, to lessen the pain that I’ve brought you. If I could take it all away from you so you’ll be happy, you know I’ll do it just to see you smile again.


“Then like an answered prayer
I turned you around and found you there

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have broken apart
Fixing a broken heart

Now I don’t understand what I’m going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Because the hurt just disappears
In every moment that you are near
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear

Soon the rain will stop falling
Let’s forget the past
Cause here we are at last…”
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:38 am | #


i'm sorry if i have to post it here. if you want, you can just erase whatever i've said after reading it, somehow i'm scared of what will happen after this. i will not post this on my blog coz i think they will not understand my point in doing all of this. some people are so narrow-minded, that they wouldn't care to listen.

for your readers, thanks for the time in scanning this somehow lengthy "comment".



"i could not ask for more of the love you gave me... coz it's all i've waited for.. and i could not ask for more.."
********** | 11.25.07 - 11:03 am | #

waaaaaaaa.. i dont know anymore what i am to do

i do not know where to go. waaaaa. somehow i do not know if i am to posts all my thoughts here cause it will be very awkward for me if she read the things i want to say. do not get me wrong, its not that i am to say something bad, but the ideas of what i am to do would be somehow not "surprising" anymore in her part. for she will know what i am to do.

hmmmmm.

hehe. its almost christmas, and its cold. wakekeke.

anyway. i really do not know what to do...

by the way, the song that was there was the song she told me that she remembers me by, as i have stated in one of my post. wala lang. i just made it bolder and colored red cause i am really happy that a song was something that a person would remember me by.

wrong spelling

i noticed.

due to much depression while i was writing my last post, that i misspelled the word friend with firend.
hmmmm. i have already said in my description on my profile that i am not fond of looking at the wrong spellings or typographical errors in my posts. for reasons that i am lazy

wakekeke

hmmm. i will be removing haloscan cause diwata can not comment. anyway, disregard the previous post, i have already kept in my mind that i am just some of those ordinary people who you would seldom take a second look at. (as i have staed in my previous post.)

hmmmm.

so these being said, i would return to my new kind of posting, less drama.

hehehe

hmmm. no more left to post. ammm.

(pahabol)

i am contented with "JUST" being the "FRIEND". at least i can always make her laugh and make things go lighter when everything seems to fall down. (as she told me)

but it would be very fulfilling if i had her.
(waaa. tama n nga drama diba...)

youtube fame

today is the first day of no thursday classes for me and having stayed at home rather than go to school and help with the stage set-up of an incoming event. hey, i have my excuses, and valid as it is! i did not have the allowance needed for my fare. (my fault actually cause i did not ask any from my mom). well enough about that. lately i have been posting stuffs i have found from youtube which give insights or give you something to laugh and/or think about. i have not much idea of this site, rather only watching uploaded videos under my search parameter. video category blogs i have posted are now so lame with out placing this following people.

first on the list is a very famous youtuber who was previously featured on ABS-CBN (i am neither a kapuso nor a kapamilya fan). before i did not care much about her having not heard of the said featured news, but after having seen an upload of ms.xienahgirl on her multiply site, i have learned that i have miss some part of my life (well maybe im just exaggerating). i also saw rob's comment on the video, titled boypren. it was about a skit about some boyfriend, girl friend thingy.




the director, actor, producer and all of the involved crew are the one and only Happy Slip. one of the most famed youtube subscriber. and as i browsed her site (click her name for the link). i have seen that she is really worthy of what she is right now. damn, she will make you laugh your ass off. she is a filipina, and i being a patriotic guy, am really proud for what she has put the country into, knowing that we are ridiculed by other american networks for joke purposes.

upon browsing ms.xienahgirl's video uploads, i also saw this kid who is some what also very famous in the vlogging word, as well as in youtube. he is kevjumba. he is an asian boy who lives in america and is vlogging his way to popularity. people might relate somehow to his videos because he tackles everyday stuffs that he has encountered as an "ordinary boy" (empa\hasis on ordinary boy cause i don't think he is that ordinary anymore). kevjumba and happyslip already had many collaborated videos and here is one of it.




here is another one





many are imitating the style of this boy when it comes to vlogging and i have seen that some of them were not at all near his level. hmmm. maybe this is all.

hmmm. i think i have blogged to much about this things. i will soon find another great video finds i find worth watching.

(pahabol sentence) im thnking of vlogging to, but im thinking, now that i am blogging, im ot much of a star, what else if i switched to vlogging.

i am thinking of you right now.
i can't stop thinking of you.
i hope i could be with you sooner or later.

random things once again

everybody has been blogging about ERAP, the Glorrietta bombing and the ZTE scandal lately and i dont want to ride with the norm.

hmmm

so to break the norm here is something that i am to post.

unfortunately i was texting away friends and colleagues about stuffs and works to be done. when the time came that i was to text DIWATA this image showed up in my 3530 cellphone. (yes, i am still using an old phone that has been in my possession for ages.)

waaaaaaa. that is the problem when there is no school, my mother is not providing me any allowance.

hmmm. just gonna think of some way to get money for me to reload my account and continue to text DIWATA.

hmmmm... anything else? here is a find i saw from the web.

click image to view larger picture.

another thing, i really enjoy watching short films with meaning and is very fulfilling to watch. (parang apaka wrong grammar ata) anyway, i was browsing my multiply network and saw this great find from benjie , a former highschool batchmate. it was an entry on "ON THE LOT" show aired by the FOX network. i saw some of the entries that were submitted there and watched some short films. but still, because of my patriotism, i still rather choose this film from paolo dy titled qwerty.

this is a nice film, i really liked it, short in time but the story is full. to view other films from the show search for "on the lot" in the search field on youtube.

ramdom thoughts.

she was not happy when she saw it so i rather erased it

though i placed and invested lots of time to make that post i rather put it to waste if that would make her some how angry or not at ease with the topic posted.

she already knows the topic anyway and she was involved in it

anyway to compensate for the erased post. ( rather not share what was in it) i am going to blog something different instead. the problem is im totally blank right now. hmmm. wait, let me think...

hmmm ill post this .gif image as a somewhat cheesy somewhat corni somewhat etc.
i like it cause it a look alike of the pon and zi character we all know.(maybe only some)

this image is not from that said site. but rather made by a different person i don't know who.

(in the preview and while im making this post, the image is not moving. hope that it moves when i already post it.)
(click the image to see the moving image. thanks)

another to share is this stick fight .gif image. i dont like it that much but i wouldlike to share it with you guys. its entertaining and somehow "ALIW"

these images are from my cousins cellphone. thanks to him.

and lastly i would like to share this stupid dance done by nobody else but yours truly. wakekeke. it was a trip by me and my cousins. we were bored and i was my usual "GAGO" who wants to always kid around and make everybody laugh. its a "SINABAWANG GULAY" video done by the author of this post.wakekeke. ('di man lang ako nahiya. wakekeke. ginagao ko nanaman sarili ko)

i was suppose to upload it using blogspot but it was ages to load it. i dont know why maybe because in downloading heros in the background.anyway, here's an embed from youtube.

for other uploadedvideos by me, click my YOUTUBE SITE

for other videos i like and would like to shre here is my MULTIPLY SITE
some videos on my MULTIPLY SITE are our dance at the NECES induction ball, cartoons i like, and the kagaguhan video you see above.

hmmm. anything else? hmmm. wait. ill browse my pc for fun finds i would like to share to the readers of this blog site. hehe

i saw some other pictures to blog about. these are the shirt designs that i made for the organization i belong to, NECES. but unfortunately they did not include my entry. its fine cause my friend won anyway.

SET1



click to view image.
from left to right, the design on shirt, the front design, the back design

SET 2




click to view image.
from left to right, the design on shirt, the back design, the front design

these is all for now... i may already have raped your internet browser and internet connection but thanks for reading up to this point.

karayum / needle

noong bata pa ako ay hindi ako takot sa karayum
when i was young i was never afraid of neddles

sa katunayan ay mahilig pa akong matusok ng karayun at natutuwa ako sa pag agos ng dugo, nilalasahan ko pa
as a matter of fact i really enjoyed pricking myself with needles and seeing blog rush out gives me satisfaction, i even taste it

pero ngayon ay hindi ko na alam. takot na ako sa dugo
but now i dont know. im afraid of blood

hindi ko alam pero ang sakit ng siringilya sa pag tusok sa aking balat ay sadyang nakakapangilabot. takot na ako sa dugo
i dont know but the pricking of the syringe in my skin gives me the chills, it really gives me doosebumps


ngayon iba na, ngayon masakit ang dating nag bibigay aliw sakin sa kadahilanang hindi ko alam
now its different, what ever was the pleasure of before gives me pain now

hindi ko na ninanais na muli pang matusukan ng siringilya dahil masakit, dahil kahit papaano ay ayoko na makita ang dugo ko. pero...
now i no oonger like to be injected with a syringe because it hurts, because somehow i dont like to see my own blood. but...

kung ang sakit na nadarama ko ay sumusentro sa puso ko ay mas pipiliin ko pa ang siringilya.
if the pain im feeling centers my heart, i rather choose to syringe.

ang hirap pahabain. bat kasi napagtripan kong gawin pang tagalog at english
that was hard. i dont know why i have to do this in two language.

palm top

its was way past my hours of stay in school and i was just killing time at the our org room. actually i was waiting for the reply of "DIWATA" with my question, "sabay ba tayo uwi?"

unfortunately i left my phone at home so i texted her using my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... cellphone. but unfortunately she didn't reply immediately.

tjen the time came that my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... was about to go home, but still there was no reply. so what i decided was that i will jutted done "DIWATA's" number on my palm instead.

i searched for my pen and didn't fpund any. i searched my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... bag for a pen and found her 0.2 technical pen which i didn't use for the reason it has a very pointed edge. next i saw an ordinary pen. but before i could use it my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... told me that it would hurt more if i used that pen o right in my palm because it has no ink. lastly i saw her purple jell pen (purple being her favorite color).

i used the said pen to write her number first. then i decided to include her nickname. o was enjoyings with what i was doing so i decided to include the word "DIWATA", the name i call her, then o also wrote her whole name including her middle name. after that i was still not yet satisfied so i wrote "DIWATA" again. finally i wrote her blogspot name.

hmmm. addicted? maybe but i just had nothing to do.

my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... asked me why i still haven't memorized her number? now i can say i already do.

** parts of the picture was blurred out to protect her identity. mahirap na kasi...

random and the like

trough the help of my cousin and some news articles i read and watched on television, and with the help of our newly installed DSL from PLDT. i have watched some featured clips from YouTube.

featured clip 1 : This Is Why I'm Hot vs. Spngebob Squarepants





i liked this video because spongebob's mouth fits the timing of the song. this was pinpointed out to me by my cousin.



featured clip 2 : The Pinoy Preso Dancing different songs





this video was shown even on other countries. they did these clips to gather donations for the inmates.


In addition, i have updated my multiply site >ikabudjack<
updated my friendster site >rudolf zeus<
and my deviantart has 1 added deviation due to boredom (not that great though) >DeviantArt<

almost 2 and a half weeks of death

Friday last last week (Aug. 3)
no classes as declared by dep ed and by ched, registration for the local elections

Saturday last last week (Aug. 4)
no classes as declared by the local administration of U.S.T. for the extension of registration of students

Sunday last week (Aug. 5)
no classes because its rest day for everyone. but there was a general assembly for the manila chapter of the organization of ECE's (IECEP)

Monday last week (Aug. 6)
no classes for Engineering students of the University of Santo Tomas

Tuesday last week (Aug. 7)
no classes from 7am-1pm due to some meeting. our class is up to 2 pm. but our prof decided to cancel the class

Wednesday last week (Aug. 8)
no classes due to 2 reasons
1. Feast of Saint Dominic
2. Heavy rains causing flood

Thursday last week (Aug. 9)
no classes due to heavy rain fall

Friday last week (Aug. 10)
no classes due to heavy rain fall

Saturdays last week (Aug. 11)
YEHEY. classes. we were told of the scope of the prelims for the next week.

during these whole span of time we were given amply time to finish our project due the prelims week the following week. YEY!

Sunday to Monday this week (Aug. 12-13)
no classes

Tuesday this week (Aug. 14)
first day of Prelims (i did not study much so i think ill fail)

Wednesday-Thursday this week(Aug. 15-16)
no classes because of EGAY

this gave me much more time to finish the said project. goody goody for me

Friday (Aug. 17)
supposed to be passing of project but still no classes

Saturday (today)
still no classes


i dont know if im going to be in a happy mood or am i to be bothered by these no classes days. but i think its still a plus factor. i finished my 54 pages project in that span of time so i think its still a blessing for me. it also gave me more time to study. i dot feel like studying and i rather play WORLD OF WARCRAFT under a private server.

anyway. its a good thing that last tuesday (Aug. 14) i saw "DIWATA" and accompanied her to the church i even accompanied her going home. hmmm (sounds wrong grammar) anyway. i am happy ad at the same time bothered.

sana may load sya