is it the end?

I saw her, looking th other way, chatting away with friends.
Yes.
I saw her right there.
instantaneously i discontinued my path and stayed there, by the stairs.
Yes, i promised her i will not hide.
To always make known her presence.
Make it known to her that i saw her and not look the other way when i see her.
But why make me promise such thing if she, herself, would be the one who will hide from me.

I erased her number in my phone.
Maybe i would soon forget the she was sometime very important to me.
But i can't, i don't know how.
Maybe it is only for now, but damn, i don't want this feeling any longer.
It hurts.

Yes.
I erased her number, but i saw old text messages...
i can not forget her completely, yet.

She told me the typical "basted" lines
"You deserve someone better." "I don't deserve your love."
damn, she's the third girl who told me those lines whom i had courted with total seriousness.

I don't know how to move on.

I have fallen, and i don't know how to get myself back up again.


She wished me happiness, asked for forgiveness and told me to let go.
All i can say was my happiness lies in her.
She is my happiness.

bye bye butterfly
i thought you would stay
but just like a typical butterfly
you flew away


me and my cousins were at a beach somewhere in lubo, batangas. i do not know why i wrote this but i think i just miss her.

and she said...

a good day to everybody. first of all i would like to thank the following people who have read my post and commented on it, even if its so damn "MADRAMA". i just wanted to express my feelings and i do not know where else to blurt it out but here. th following people are:

a. IRISH
b. DONYA QUIXOTE
c. ICARUS

bweno, lets start the post, i have wrote in

and she said "i love you as a firend.."

(literally wrong spelled cause the post was spelled wrong, and instead of changing it to the correct one,i rather left it that way cause the next post to it was related to it. )

that she has told me things got me somehow depressed. she already told me before that we are friends and i am, maybe, one of the very exceptional ones. but i kept on pushing myself in her heart to win her love. but then she told me just days ago those 5 words that a guy would go drama about. but then again, she somehow told me these things in reply to my post.

zeus..

this may seem so unusual of me to comment on this, but just let me do this, ok?

i love you as a friend.. if you can still remember, i had already said this twice. once, when you asked me about waiting etc, and lastly days before neces' variety show.

i want to say this personally, especially when we talked last wednesday. but honestly, i really don't want you to be hurt in anyway, or anyhow. i value our firnedship, and i'll always be thankful to you, not just because of all the things that you had done for me, but because of the happiness and contentment that i felt during those times when you make me feel how important i am to you. no one has ever touched my heart the way you did, and in my silence, i feel blessed to have you as a friend, and someone, “just” someone, but the ONE who cared the most, and loved the most.

no, i don't want this to be seen by people whom i don't know, my intention is just to say this in a way where i can pour out my emotions and all that's bothering my mind regarding this issue, and things that you have mentioned in the church. yes, in the church. some people may have a grudge on me because i have hurt you, although unintentionally, but still, i know i did, and it hurts me too. i don't want to justify myself to them, because they don't know me personally, and they know you better than me. i'll just let them think whatever they want to think about me. but what i'm concerned is what you think of me after the bliss.

At first, when you said that you somehow like me, I thought that you’re just one of them, just a passerby who comes, says hi, then leave after a short time. No, you’re not. You’re different from all the people I’ve met before. You made me feel happy after all the sadness that I once felt after a grim heartbreak. I thought that i don’t deserve to feel loved, and you proved it all wrong. At times when I feel so down and left out, you’re there by my side, uplifting my spirit, and renewing my views.

No, don’t let me enumerate all the things you have done/gave to me..
- a bottle full of stars
- a goodluck note pinned like those in wish bottles
- borrowed book from you classmate.. I think its an electronics book for our thesis
- a book entitled hope for the flowers, with so many butterflies evolved from two loving caterpillars
- letter
- fixing my blog layout

and so much more.. can’t enumerate, this would be flooding.. I just want to thank you again and again.. really appreciate those a lot. I really really do.

But then, stupid heart, yes, a fool’s heart is all I have. It doesn’t know how to stop, how to end and how to change its choice of the one. If only it knows who to pick so that it’ll not be broken again, if only…, you know it’s going to be you. You know I’m stuck, can’t get loose, cant breathe, can’t move on. Victims, we all are, and victims we’ll all gonna be.

I won’t say goodbye, because for me nothing has ended between us. We are still friends isn’t it?
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:35 am | #


Gravatar Goodbye is not meant for us, goodbyes are for the ones who trashes and leaves it all behind. I will still be here, and when you turn back to see who’s behind, you’ll find me there. But I will not force you, nor tell you what to do. I’ll do what you want, and be the one to adjust, at least, to lessen the pain that I’ve brought you. If I could take it all away from you so you’ll be happy, you know I’ll do it just to see you smile again.


“Then like an answered prayer
I turned you around and found you there

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have broken apart
Fixing a broken heart

Now I don’t understand what I’m going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Because the hurt just disappears
In every moment that you are near
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear

Soon the rain will stop falling
Let’s forget the past
Cause here we are at last…”
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:38 am | #


i'm sorry if i have to post it here. if you want, you can just erase whatever i've said after reading it, somehow i'm scared of what will happen after this. i will not post this on my blog coz i think they will not understand my point in doing all of this. some people are so narrow-minded, that they wouldn't care to listen.

for your readers, thanks for the time in scanning this somehow lengthy "comment".



"i could not ask for more of the love you gave me... coz it's all i've waited for.. and i could not ask for more.."
********** | 11.25.07 - 11:03 am | #

waaaaaaaa.. i dont know anymore what i am to do

i do not know where to go. waaaaa. somehow i do not know if i am to posts all my thoughts here cause it will be very awkward for me if she read the things i want to say. do not get me wrong, its not that i am to say something bad, but the ideas of what i am to do would be somehow not "surprising" anymore in her part. for she will know what i am to do.

hmmmmm.

hehe. its almost christmas, and its cold. wakekeke.

anyway. i really do not know what to do...

by the way, the song that was there was the song she told me that she remembers me by, as i have stated in one of my post. wala lang. i just made it bolder and colored red cause i am really happy that a song was something that a person would remember me by.

ramdom thoughts.

she was not happy when she saw it so i rather erased it

though i placed and invested lots of time to make that post i rather put it to waste if that would make her some how angry or not at ease with the topic posted.

she already knows the topic anyway and she was involved in it

anyway to compensate for the erased post. ( rather not share what was in it) i am going to blog something different instead. the problem is im totally blank right now. hmmm. wait, let me think...

hmmm ill post this .gif image as a somewhat cheesy somewhat corni somewhat etc.
i like it cause it a look alike of the pon and zi character we all know.(maybe only some)

this image is not from that said site. but rather made by a different person i don't know who.

(in the preview and while im making this post, the image is not moving. hope that it moves when i already post it.)
(click the image to see the moving image. thanks)

another to share is this stick fight .gif image. i dont like it that much but i wouldlike to share it with you guys. its entertaining and somehow "ALIW"

these images are from my cousins cellphone. thanks to him.

and lastly i would like to share this stupid dance done by nobody else but yours truly. wakekeke. it was a trip by me and my cousins. we were bored and i was my usual "GAGO" who wants to always kid around and make everybody laugh. its a "SINABAWANG GULAY" video done by the author of this post.wakekeke. ('di man lang ako nahiya. wakekeke. ginagao ko nanaman sarili ko)

i was suppose to upload it using blogspot but it was ages to load it. i dont know why maybe because in downloading heros in the background.anyway, here's an embed from youtube.

for other uploadedvideos by me, click my YOUTUBE SITE

for other videos i like and would like to shre here is my MULTIPLY SITE
some videos on my MULTIPLY SITE are our dance at the NECES induction ball, cartoons i like, and the kagaguhan video you see above.

hmmm. anything else? hmmm. wait. ill browse my pc for fun finds i would like to share to the readers of this blog site. hehe

i saw some other pictures to blog about. these are the shirt designs that i made for the organization i belong to, NECES. but unfortunately they did not include my entry. its fine cause my friend won anyway.

SET1



click to view image.
from left to right, the design on shirt, the front design, the back design

SET 2




click to view image.
from left to right, the design on shirt, the back design, the front design

these is all for now... i may already have raped your internet browser and internet connection but thanks for reading up to this point.

time for a change/oras para sa pagbabago

then there was temporary silence as those who were triumphant were announced.
at nagkaroon ng pannadaliang katahimikan ng sasambitin na ang mga nagwagi

one by one the competitors prayed and braced their selves for the result that is of what they were fighting for
isa-isa ang mga nagsipaglaban ay nagsambit ng dasal at inihanda ang sarili sa magiging kapalaran ng kanilangipinaglalaban

the were all ready to rejoice, jump for joy and cheer as wildly as they can but only the best of the batch would be chosen
lahat ay handanghandang magpunyagi, tumalon sa tuwa at magsisigaw ng walang katapusan pero ang magaling lang sa grupo angmapipili

then there was silence, in a form of total noise, noise that would silence your own voice which would drown only drown in the pool of cheers
at merong katahimikan, katahimikan sa porma ng sobrang ingay, ingay na tatahimik sa iyong sariling boses dahil ito ay malulunod sa mga hiyaw

there were only place for 3 in the top spots and 1 who would take home the real pride.
meron lamang 3 posisyong asa itaas at isa lang ang makakapaguwi ng yabang

then there was again silence when the third was given to them, they did not expected it
at nagkaroon ulit ng katahimikan ng sinambit ang ikatlong nagpunyagi, hindi nila inaasahan

as the second was announced, there was cheer all over, but it was partly of disappointment
ng ang ikalaway sinambit, nagkaroon ng hiyawan sa buong paligid

as the winner was blurted out i finally understood. they deserve it
ng isinambit ang nanalo aking napagtanto. sila ay karapat dapat

we have been on top for 5 years, its time to give others the chance.
nasa tugatogkami ng 5 taon, panahon na para bigyang pagkakataon ang iba

they only won by .5 points anyway.
nanalo lang naman sila ng mahigit na .5 puntos laban samin

University of the Philippines = Champion
University of Santo Tomas = 1st Runner up
Far Eastern University = 2nd Runner up

----- Results of the 2007 cheerdance competition ------
----- Resulta ng 2007 cheerdance competition -----

random and the like

trough the help of my cousin and some news articles i read and watched on television, and with the help of our newly installed DSL from PLDT. i have watched some featured clips from YouTube.

featured clip 1 : This Is Why I'm Hot vs. Spngebob Squarepants





i liked this video because spongebob's mouth fits the timing of the song. this was pinpointed out to me by my cousin.



featured clip 2 : The Pinoy Preso Dancing different songs





this video was shown even on other countries. they did these clips to gather donations for the inmates.


In addition, i have updated my multiply site >ikabudjack<
updated my friendster site >rudolf zeus<
and my deviantart has 1 added deviation due to boredom (not that great though) >DeviantArt<

am i really back?

sa dami ng ginagawa ko wala na akong oras na mag blog.

hindi ko nga alam kung me babsa sa post kong ito, pero kasi ganun talga ang mga org, sa start ng class halos humihirit ng mga actibvities para wala pang masyadong hastle sa pag-aaral ng studyante

[insert bragging rights here]

myembro ako ng 3 organisasyon sa engineering, at meron akong mga naka assign na project na medyo madami ginagawa...

NECES ( Network of Electronics and Communications Engineering Students)
pos: COMMITTEE HEAD

in charge of : (for next week)

a) stage design for Mr and Ms NECED pageant (tuesday)
b) bulletin board design (monday)
c) exhibit design (monday)
d) stage design for variety show (saturday)

TEM ( Thomasian Engineering Media)
pos: Creative Goup Staff

incharge of : (the whole semester)

a) co-creator of the TEM website
b) lay-out of journal
c) possible bulletin board design
d) engineering centennial count down (80-0) days before engineering centennial

ARC-UST ( Amateur Radio Club - University of Santo Thomas)
pos: Web Development Team

incharge of : (end of november)

a) syempre web lay-out

[end bragging right]


kaya ito ako akal mo busy pero d' naman, feeling lang siguro.

kung me video cam sana ako o digicam kukunan ko ung mga nagawa ko para atleast nakapag yabang pa ako lalo

wakekeke

as soon as matapos ko mga trabaho ko ay bibigyan ko ng oras itong blog ko

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

medyo ung pc din pala wala na sa room ko kaya nakakainis. binawi, kasi tv na uli ako. pinalitan na ung sira kong tv

sa mga tao maraming salamat sa inyo sa laging pagsuprta sakin

yung mga asa tag board ko

lalong lalo na si

talamasca sa pag sagot sa sa mga taong naghahanap sakin sa tag board
na idol ko parin upto now, wakekeke
jigs na nag aantay ng post ko
jhed na wala lang
garry tarugo na aliw ako sa name at sa jolibee post na huli kong nabasa
irish na kuya nya ako at bumibisita kahit d' ako updatd.updated na ako
super xiena na still superhero parin
ron kasi nakakachat parin kita, dati
vinx kasi makulit na bata at lagi ko parin kachat
adrian kasi kaklase kita

at yung galit sakin na ayaw ako parin pansinin....

maraming salamat sa suporta pipol