drama

drama
drama
drama

ang buhay ko ay punong puno ng drama

masyado kong pinapaikot ang mudo ko sa emo

masyado na akong madrama

makailang tao na ang nawala sa pagdradrama ko.

pero hindi ko parin magawang itigil ito


masyado pa akong mabilis mag tiwala sa isang tao

binubuhos na agad ang lahat ng tiwala sa unang pagkakilala

kaya pag hindi pala seryoso at iniwan ako

ako ang nagdradrama

hay

tama na muna

ang nakakainis lang kasi

MADAMING NANG KAIBIGAN ANG NANG IWAN SAKIN

hay

panget kasi ng ugali ko

anyway

tama na ang drama

for now

silence

One last post before I place myself in the world of exclusion.

Tomorrow’s going to be the start of our finals and I am to start reviewing.

To my fellow blogmate/ orgmate

I have no hard feelings for you, I am neither destroying your reputation to any one. Neither am I trying to make the person you "love" to dislike you. I am not taking her for my own. You don’t know me and you can never say such things. I hate what you are doing and not you in totality.

I mentioned in my previous post that you are a plain copy cat. I do not and never will I resent those claims. It is not only I who had noticed these things. It has been tested and yes, you did do these things numerous times over and over again. She blogged, you blogged, she is a working student, you apply for one, I posted some comments you did the same. Need I to reiterate what there is left? This post would be so long if I did so.

And it was not I who did something against you in the first place. You did, I never did nothing against you! Damn, you go on and on saying stuff like those without even thinking what you are blurting out. I myself have proofs and I would have not posted that if it was only I who have noticed it.

Enough about you!

To the butterfly I so have given so much attention

Am I to give up? You never told me to stop. My friends are telling me things to do, to either stop or go on. I am so full of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Yes, you are very important tome, but you still love that guy. Though you’re confused I know you still love him so much. I don’t know, it is only now that I have held on to something I started. I always give up so early that it hurts me more compared to if I pursued. Maybe I’m not fit for anybody? Maybe I am not meant for anyone.

There, in your blog, numerous guys flooding. There, in your friendster numerous lads falling. I don’t know. Am I giving too much meaning to something that has nothing at all? Am I to resign my position to pursue you. Nagmumukha na akong tanga kasi. I love you, but I think it’s not enough. You don’t want to talk about it and you don’t want to talk to me. All I'm waiting for is for you to tell me to stop. That’s all.

I need to do these to lessen things I am thinking of before I start studying. Thanks for bearing with me…

dahil siya ay mahal ko na

Wala sa bokabularyo ko ang salitang move on o let go. Oo, nakaklimot ako, naiwawaglit sa isip ang mga maaring matatamis o mapapit na naranasan ko ngunit sa isang iglap na may muling magbuhay ng aking diwa sa alaala ng mga bagay na iyon ay muling magbabalik at magbabalik ang disposisyon ko sa mga bagay na naganap na.

Oo, madrama ako. Isang nilalang na nabubuhay na napupuno ng pighati at dalamhati sa buhay. Pilit ko na itong iniwawaglit sa aking sistema ngunit makailang bese na akong nabigo. Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong gawin. Ngunit sa kabutihang palad ay unti unti ng nababwasan ang pagdradramang ito

Oo, isa akong nilalang na pursigido. Isa akong pesimistang optimista. Kakaiba, naglalaban na ideya ngunit iyan ako. Pilit kong papanindigan ang mga bagay na alam kong ikakasaya ko sa huli kahit na puro pighati na ang aking nadarama at nararanasan. Hindi ko alam kung pano sumuko, kahit nakikita ko ng wala naming patutunguhan.

Oo, mahal ko siya, ngunit sapat na ba na mahal ko sya upang ipagpatuloy ko ang aking ginagawa? Ipagpatuloy na maging pursigidong makuha ang kanyang puso? Mahal ko sya, oo mahal ko sya, isang nilalang na ubod ng importante sa aking pagkabuhay. Oo, siguro masyado na akong nagiging ideyalistiko, tumitingin sa panaginip na aking ninanais. Nangangarap ng bulat ang parehong mata.

Naisip ko tuloy, oo, may mga nasasabi sakin ang nilalang na iyon. Meron syang nasasabing mga bagay na magaganda, nakakapagbahagi ng mga ekspiryensya at dalamhati. Ngunit gusto ko din malaman ang aking posisyon, ipagpapatuloy ko ba o hindi ang mga bagay na aking ginagawa? Ako ba ay may pwesto sa puso nya. Aminado akong ako ay laging nasa estado ng paranoya kaya naiisip ko din na baka naman sa isang nilalang na may puwang pa sa puso nya ay nasasbing isa lamang akong kaibigan at hanggang duon na lang.

Sinabi nyang hindi pa sya handa, ilan n ba sialng nagsabi sakin nun? Sabi ng iba ay oo, maaring hindi pa naghihilom ang puso nya, ang iba ay ibinabahagi sakin na ito ay isang palusot lamang. Hindi ko na alam. Mahal ko na sya. Ipagpapatuloy ko ba o sapat na iyon para ako ay sumuko na.

Ang alam ko ay mahal ko sya. Sapat na ba iyon para mag patuloy ay hindi isang balidong rason upang hindi ko ituloy ang aking pagtigil?

pahabol na talata. sana naman magkaroon ng sariling isip ang ibang tao at hindi nakikisakay sa ginagawa ng iba. magkaroon ka ng sarili mong distinksyon at wag kang magkaroon ng isang pagkataong gumagaya sa iba. hindi purkit gusto ng isa ay gugustuhin mo na rin at iisiiping dati mo pa ginusto ang bagay na iyon. magkaroon ka ng marka na pang sarili mo at hindi isang markang nailathala na ng iba.

wish list

i am a self confessed nationalist, i support the filipino community not totally 100 percent but more than enough compared to other fellow filipinoes.

i have been eying these set of shirts but unfortunately i have insufficient funds to buy myself one of these. these shirts came from THE TSHIRT PROJECT who originally brought to us Spoofs Ltd. Now the have so much designs which made more frustrated.

hey, anybody out there reading these post, in my birthday, o sooner, in christmas

could someone give me one of their designs

not specifically what i have posted. it would mean so much to me

hehe

(another lame post)

since we are on the topic of wish lists, i would like to post the things i would like to have at my birthday

1. one THE TSHIRT PROJECT shirt
2. DSLR camera (not giving any specifics as long as itis in fact DSLR, or a nice digicam would do)
3. new cellphone
4. upgraded pc or laptop (no specifics again)
5. for her to become my girlfriend
6. to graduate on time (woohoo, 1 sem left)
7. to pass the board exam
8. a car
9. a new ketboard (i just bought this keyboard i am currently using and its already broaken. thats what you get with cheap merchandise)
10. a new mouse

(wow, that was a mixture of earthly goods and non material wishes)

anyway

thanks for your time...

lagot

hala...

lagot

kahit hindi ikaw ang solely may sala

ikaw ang pagbubuntuhan ng galit

lagi ka na langmali bumanat

lagot ka

bakit kasi binulsa ang pondo

bwisit

ano p ba magagawa ko diba

lagot ka

oras nga lang / it was only time

akala ko tapos na. nasira na ang pagkakaibigan aking itinamin.
i thought it was the end. broken is the friendship that i have planted.

akala ko wala ng pag asa, ang tiwalang aking naipundar ay mawawala na lang na parangbula.
i though there was no chance, the trust that i have invested will just burst like a bubble.

akala ko huli na ang lahat, magiging isang ordinaryong tao na lang ako sa kaibigang matalik na tinuring ko.
i thought it was too late, ordinary beings would be left of the once best friend i had

ngunit oras lang pala ang kailangan ng tao
but time is what a person needs

malaki ang nagagawa ng oras, madaming naayos pag binigyan ng oras.
time can do big things, lots of things may be fix given ample time.

at ng dahil sa kaganapang ito ay nagkaroon ako ng panibagong natanto
and because of this event,i had another insight

hanggat may oras may pag asa
while there is time there is hope

kaya siguro sa ngayon, hanggat ako ay hindi pa pinapatigil, ay itutuloy ko parin ang pagtahak sa landas na ito
maybe that is why upto now, while im not yet being stopped, i still continue to pursue this road

hindi ko sya bibitawan. yan ang natutunan ako sa matalik kong kaibigan.
i will not let you go. that is what i have learned from my best friend.

at yun din ang leksyon isasabuhay ko sayo
and that is the lesson that i will pursue to you

sayong tinuturing kong diwata...
you who i considere as fairy...

time for a change/oras para sa pagbabago

then there was temporary silence as those who were triumphant were announced.
at nagkaroon ng pannadaliang katahimikan ng sasambitin na ang mga nagwagi

one by one the competitors prayed and braced their selves for the result that is of what they were fighting for
isa-isa ang mga nagsipaglaban ay nagsambit ng dasal at inihanda ang sarili sa magiging kapalaran ng kanilangipinaglalaban

the were all ready to rejoice, jump for joy and cheer as wildly as they can but only the best of the batch would be chosen
lahat ay handanghandang magpunyagi, tumalon sa tuwa at magsisigaw ng walang katapusan pero ang magaling lang sa grupo angmapipili

then there was silence, in a form of total noise, noise that would silence your own voice which would drown only drown in the pool of cheers
at merong katahimikan, katahimikan sa porma ng sobrang ingay, ingay na tatahimik sa iyong sariling boses dahil ito ay malulunod sa mga hiyaw

there were only place for 3 in the top spots and 1 who would take home the real pride.
meron lamang 3 posisyong asa itaas at isa lang ang makakapaguwi ng yabang

then there was again silence when the third was given to them, they did not expected it
at nagkaroon ulit ng katahimikan ng sinambit ang ikatlong nagpunyagi, hindi nila inaasahan

as the second was announced, there was cheer all over, but it was partly of disappointment
ng ang ikalaway sinambit, nagkaroon ng hiyawan sa buong paligid

as the winner was blurted out i finally understood. they deserve it
ng isinambit ang nanalo aking napagtanto. sila ay karapat dapat

we have been on top for 5 years, its time to give others the chance.
nasa tugatogkami ng 5 taon, panahon na para bigyang pagkakataon ang iba

they only won by .5 points anyway.
nanalo lang naman sila ng mahigit na .5 puntos laban samin

University of the Philippines = Champion
University of Santo Tomas = 1st Runner up
Far Eastern University = 2nd Runner up

----- Results of the 2007 cheerdance competition ------
----- Resulta ng 2007 cheerdance competition -----

hindi ako kung ano man iniisip mo / i am not what you think

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

kung tignan mo ako ay isang epeministang nakabaro ng maliliit na pambaba at pang taas na hapit sa katawan
you look at me as if some efeminate being who dresses kinky bottoms and tight fitting tops

ni minsan hindi ko ninais na magsuot ng ganun
never in my life have i wanted to wear those kind of dresses

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

kung pandirihan mo ako ay parang isa akong nilalang na may nakakapang hawang karamdaman hindi na malulunasan
you are disgusted at me as if i have some incurable disease which you can instantly acquire

malinis ako sa katawan
i am clean with my body

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

ang iniisip mo ay papatulan kita, liligawan o mahuhulog ang loob ko sayo
you think that i would go for you, court you or i might fall for you

hinding hindi ko gagawin yun. ano ako gago? tanga? bobo?
i would never do that. what am i stupid? no-brainer?

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

iniisip mong lalandiin kita, ipagpapalit ang pagkakaibigang naipundar ko na
you think that i would flirt with you, rather choose that than the trust i invested in you

ano ako tanga, sasayangin lng ang tiwalang ipinundar ko na?
what am i stupid, waste away the trust i have given you?

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

dahil hindi ako bakla
because i am never one

akala ko pa naman ako ay kilala mo na.
i thought you knew me.

mag usap tayo!
lets talk!

mag isa / alone

pasok ka ng pasok wala ka namang inilalabas, patuloy ang pasok mo sa problemang hindi mo kayang panindigan
all you did was to enter though nothing exited, you just placed yourself in problem you can't even solve

hindi ka nag iisip, tanga ka nanaman. pinapasok mga bagay na hindi mo alam ang kalalabasan
you where not even thinking, you stupid guy. involved youself in things you don't even know the outcome

galaw ka ng galaw hindi mo pinadadaan sa isipan mo. ngayon ikiw ay nagmumukmok sa kanto
all you did was do what you wanted without even thinking it over. now you there lonely in the corner

huli na, hindi mo na maaus pa. kaw kasi tatanga tanga.
its too late, you can no longer fix it. its your fault, you were stupid.

bahala na si batman. mag aantay na lang.
i'll just wait and let fate do its job.

umaasang aaus pa ang lahat laht sa aking kamunduan
wishing that everything will be fixed in this world of mine

image courtesy of rewston

karayum / needle

noong bata pa ako ay hindi ako takot sa karayum
when i was young i was never afraid of neddles

sa katunayan ay mahilig pa akong matusok ng karayun at natutuwa ako sa pag agos ng dugo, nilalasahan ko pa
as a matter of fact i really enjoyed pricking myself with needles and seeing blog rush out gives me satisfaction, i even taste it

pero ngayon ay hindi ko na alam. takot na ako sa dugo
but now i dont know. im afraid of blood

hindi ko alam pero ang sakit ng siringilya sa pag tusok sa aking balat ay sadyang nakakapangilabot. takot na ako sa dugo
i dont know but the pricking of the syringe in my skin gives me the chills, it really gives me doosebumps


ngayon iba na, ngayon masakit ang dating nag bibigay aliw sakin sa kadahilanang hindi ko alam
now its different, what ever was the pleasure of before gives me pain now

hindi ko na ninanais na muli pang matusukan ng siringilya dahil masakit, dahil kahit papaano ay ayoko na makita ang dugo ko. pero...
now i no oonger like to be injected with a syringe because it hurts, because somehow i dont like to see my own blood. but...

kung ang sakit na nadarama ko ay sumusentro sa puso ko ay mas pipiliin ko pa ang siringilya.
if the pain im feeling centers my heart, i rather choose to syringe.

ang hirap pahabain. bat kasi napagtripan kong gawin pang tagalog at english
that was hard. i dont know why i have to do this in two language.

for many years

i have been blog hopping this past few days to catch up with some old bloggers i have known for months, even years, and to know some new bloggers who has been dominating the blog world.

its been many weeks since i posted and became active of the blog world. and i have seen many people develop friendship, gain enemies or even garnered awards. and with those many months that i have been spilling my mind out, i still can't over some facts that has been surrounding, somehow, my mind every time i visit the blog world

some of these things are so far impossible to recreate or to revive that it has given me the down feeling that i wanted to avoid. some were very happy memories that would never again happen. some are those people who made an impact to my life. and some are just those who gives me the satisfied feeling every time i pass their blog

hmmmm...

i really miss the old days where i was friends with them and they were there for me and such cheesiness and stuffs, but like what my friend told me. dont hold on, let go and move on.

i have made so much effort. i dont consider it wasted overtime but still... that's just that

i really hope i could go back to the past and redo those things, but unfortunately. i cant. too bad for me. errors have been made and thing may no longer go my way

palm top

its was way past my hours of stay in school and i was just killing time at the our org room. actually i was waiting for the reply of "DIWATA" with my question, "sabay ba tayo uwi?"

unfortunately i left my phone at home so i texted her using my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... cellphone. but unfortunately she didn't reply immediately.

tjen the time came that my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... was about to go home, but still there was no reply. so what i decided was that i will jutted done "DIWATA's" number on my palm instead.

i searched for my pen and didn't fpund any. i searched my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... bag for a pen and found her 0.2 technical pen which i didn't use for the reason it has a very pointed edge. next i saw an ordinary pen. but before i could use it my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... told me that it would hurt more if i used that pen o right in my palm because it has no ink. lastly i saw her purple jell pen (purple being her favorite color).

i used the said pen to write her number first. then i decided to include her nickname. o was enjoyings with what i was doing so i decided to include the word "DIWATA", the name i call her, then o also wrote her whole name including her middle name. after that i was still not yet satisfied so i wrote "DIWATA" again. finally i wrote her blogspot name.

hmmm. addicted? maybe but i just had nothing to do.

my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... asked me why i still haven't memorized her number? now i can say i already do.

** parts of the picture was blurred out to protect her identity. mahirap na kasi...

random and the like

trough the help of my cousin and some news articles i read and watched on television, and with the help of our newly installed DSL from PLDT. i have watched some featured clips from YouTube.

featured clip 1 : This Is Why I'm Hot vs. Spngebob Squarepants





i liked this video because spongebob's mouth fits the timing of the song. this was pinpointed out to me by my cousin.



featured clip 2 : The Pinoy Preso Dancing different songs





this video was shown even on other countries. they did these clips to gather donations for the inmates.


In addition, i have updated my multiply site >ikabudjack<
updated my friendster site >rudolf zeus<
and my deviantart has 1 added deviation due to boredom (not that great though) >DeviantArt<

almost 2 and a half weeks of death

Friday last last week (Aug. 3)
no classes as declared by dep ed and by ched, registration for the local elections

Saturday last last week (Aug. 4)
no classes as declared by the local administration of U.S.T. for the extension of registration of students

Sunday last week (Aug. 5)
no classes because its rest day for everyone. but there was a general assembly for the manila chapter of the organization of ECE's (IECEP)

Monday last week (Aug. 6)
no classes for Engineering students of the University of Santo Tomas

Tuesday last week (Aug. 7)
no classes from 7am-1pm due to some meeting. our class is up to 2 pm. but our prof decided to cancel the class

Wednesday last week (Aug. 8)
no classes due to 2 reasons
1. Feast of Saint Dominic
2. Heavy rains causing flood

Thursday last week (Aug. 9)
no classes due to heavy rain fall

Friday last week (Aug. 10)
no classes due to heavy rain fall

Saturdays last week (Aug. 11)
YEHEY. classes. we were told of the scope of the prelims for the next week.

during these whole span of time we were given amply time to finish our project due the prelims week the following week. YEY!

Sunday to Monday this week (Aug. 12-13)
no classes

Tuesday this week (Aug. 14)
first day of Prelims (i did not study much so i think ill fail)

Wednesday-Thursday this week(Aug. 15-16)
no classes because of EGAY

this gave me much more time to finish the said project. goody goody for me

Friday (Aug. 17)
supposed to be passing of project but still no classes

Saturday (today)
still no classes


i dont know if im going to be in a happy mood or am i to be bothered by these no classes days. but i think its still a plus factor. i finished my 54 pages project in that span of time so i think its still a blessing for me. it also gave me more time to study. i dot feel like studying and i rather play WORLD OF WARCRAFT under a private server.

anyway. its a good thing that last tuesday (Aug. 14) i saw "DIWATA" and accompanied her to the church i even accompanied her going home. hmmm (sounds wrong grammar) anyway. i am happy ad at the same time bothered.

sana may load sya

after some time....

strips courtesy of www.explosm.net

i don't know. i just liked these strips. its so....

on the lighter side of things

visit my friendster profile. it is updated. added more photos

hmmm. what more?

well

all i can say is

ako ay nandirito laman
nag aantay upang ikaw ay lumapit
nag aantay sa diwata upng dumapo sa aking puso
nag aantay upang aking pagalingin ang puso mo
lagay ng band aid at betadine ang sugat na dinadala
upang agarang pag hilom ang iong madama
imortante ka na para sa nilalang na ako
kaya kayang mag antay kahit na kontra ang mga tao
madaming nagkakandarapa ngunit sakin ay balewala
dahil hindi importante kung maibalik mo man
basta ako gagawin ko lahat para ikaw ay sumaya
dahil ang saya sayong labi, dampi ng kaligayahan
nag papagaan ng aking buhay na iaalay ko sayo lamang

damn. so cheesy. hope she does read this

hehe

anyway

thanks...

alone

she is there

but i cant reach her

i can see her barely

but its too dark

i can feel her

but only in my dreams

seems to close

but in reality she is far away

coincedence or plain copycat

"plain me and nothing more..."

"nothing more, nothing less... maybe..?"

two different headers from two different blogs.
somehow they were of the same thought, just elaborations in between.

the first one was created June 13, 2007 and the second one was created on June 24, 2007.

you can see in the second blog that the name of the first blogger was made in to a poem. but the second blog told me that he made that blog because he just had to. he wanted the world to read what is in his mind but he is not to publish his blog much to be read by all. confusing? it really is.

it is obvious that the guy likes the girl who in fact is also the one i like. (the reason why i'm blogging this)

and in addition. you can see that the song iris was posted on the first blog on June 30, 2007. days after the second blog featured the same song on July 3, 2007. which in fact, once more, my favorite song. i'm not riding the same band wagon, i obviously liked the song since i was high school and was even the theme song between me and my x girlfriend.

enough of the bitterness, the guy is my friend and he obviously will be reading this soon, well maybe. and for that reason i am adding to this post that i am not that bitter, i was just annoyed of the band wagon ridding.

the question is are you really to like everything that is liked upon by the one you like?(huh?) i mean do you really need to mirror everything that is being done by that person you admire?

in addition, i am not the only one who had noticed this. my friend also noticed the same band wagon ridding.

bye bye butterfly?

there it was

a butterfly

with wings full of life

passing every flower full of delight


there she was

once passed my way

once stayed in my palm

it was just once

it was not that long

it was cherished


now she's gone

now her presence is no more

now

there is nothing

now

where is to where am i to go



hold on

or let go


(damn you. its your fault, but who am i to hold possession? she was never mine)

damn you

one world you have none

maybe

just maybe

i was positive for a time

but now i realized

it was not to the right one

maybe


maybe im right

maybe its

good bye

her name was xyla

i was in an exotic place, full of long ebony black hair and goddess faces. it was paradise. i need to explore, i need to experience first hand the beauty that is of such exotic wonders.


i trekked the place of wonders. down the edge of a mountain going to the plain. upon reaching the cleavage of the two enormous mountains, i kissed the land. it was spectacular, the place was enchanting, the top of the mountains gave a faint glow of lightness enough to take your breathe away.

i journeyed the planes until reaching the desert of white snow. the sand was fine and so smooth, not a hint of coarseness, i saw a pit, so clean, not so deep, but it was enchanting. the ground seem to move a little as i played with the pit, it was no oasis but damn it was more to my pleasure to have been there.

i then continued the trail i was journeying. i remembered one local who told me i have not visited there sacred place with out visiting the canyons right after the jungle. so i i tried my best to reach the said sacred ground.

i have reached the jungle, smell of the crass growing gave a little ecstasy. the trees above showed little light from the moon. it was night, yes it was night, just like what i have heard, it best to see the wonder and feel the pleasure at night. i continued my journey, a little pause on the way but give a little thrill to my journey.

now i continue my walk, with a grin on my face.

i arrived at the spot that gives much happiness, there it was, the canyon. such beauty, such pleasure as i saw it. it gave my body a tingle and made me stand erect to see more of what it has to offer. the locals say i need to taste to spring of ecstasy and penetrate the caves below the canyon.

i went down and dived myself in the spring of ecstasy, such pure pleasure. now i am to enter the caves of virginity, as the locals call it. i stood up, readied myself and plunge my whole self in. it was the best, like indulging my self in everything good. and at the last minute, as i was about to give out my best "awwww" i encountered nirvana.

it was the best experience for me.

and as i returned to the main town of silk long hair, i asked, what was the name of the place

she told me it was xyla.

para sanyo

hay...

bakit ganun. ginawa ko na ang lahat ng magagawa ko

pero pilit paring akong inilalayo ng mga taong iyong

buong puso ko ng hiningi ang kanilang paumahin. kanilang patawad

nagpakumbaba

pinakita ang sinseridad.

pero bakit ganun?

bakit ganun at sadyang ayaw nila ako bigyan ng pagkakataon

inamin ko na mali ang ginawa ko

pilit ko ng ginawa ang lahat pero aun

wala ayaw nila makipag usap

ayoko lang kasi ng me kaaway o me galit skain kaya mag papakumbaba ako para naman mapatawad ako.

pero ayaw nila.

lalo tuloy akong nalalayo sa kasabayan ko

ewan

naghahanap lng nmn ng kaibigan.

patawad na kasi

sorry na parang awa na. ano pa ba ang gusto nyong gawin ko?

ano pa ang gusto nyong gawin ko para mapatawad nyo ko

gagawin k na lah ng makakaya ko