and she said...

a good day to everybody. first of all i would like to thank the following people who have read my post and commented on it, even if its so damn "MADRAMA". i just wanted to express my feelings and i do not know where else to blurt it out but here. th following people are:

a. IRISH
b. DONYA QUIXOTE
c. ICARUS

bweno, lets start the post, i have wrote in

and she said "i love you as a firend.."

(literally wrong spelled cause the post was spelled wrong, and instead of changing it to the correct one,i rather left it that way cause the next post to it was related to it. )

that she has told me things got me somehow depressed. she already told me before that we are friends and i am, maybe, one of the very exceptional ones. but i kept on pushing myself in her heart to win her love. but then she told me just days ago those 5 words that a guy would go drama about. but then again, she somehow told me these things in reply to my post.

zeus..

this may seem so unusual of me to comment on this, but just let me do this, ok?

i love you as a friend.. if you can still remember, i had already said this twice. once, when you asked me about waiting etc, and lastly days before neces' variety show.

i want to say this personally, especially when we talked last wednesday. but honestly, i really don't want you to be hurt in anyway, or anyhow. i value our firnedship, and i'll always be thankful to you, not just because of all the things that you had done for me, but because of the happiness and contentment that i felt during those times when you make me feel how important i am to you. no one has ever touched my heart the way you did, and in my silence, i feel blessed to have you as a friend, and someone, “just” someone, but the ONE who cared the most, and loved the most.

no, i don't want this to be seen by people whom i don't know, my intention is just to say this in a way where i can pour out my emotions and all that's bothering my mind regarding this issue, and things that you have mentioned in the church. yes, in the church. some people may have a grudge on me because i have hurt you, although unintentionally, but still, i know i did, and it hurts me too. i don't want to justify myself to them, because they don't know me personally, and they know you better than me. i'll just let them think whatever they want to think about me. but what i'm concerned is what you think of me after the bliss.

At first, when you said that you somehow like me, I thought that you’re just one of them, just a passerby who comes, says hi, then leave after a short time. No, you’re not. You’re different from all the people I’ve met before. You made me feel happy after all the sadness that I once felt after a grim heartbreak. I thought that i don’t deserve to feel loved, and you proved it all wrong. At times when I feel so down and left out, you’re there by my side, uplifting my spirit, and renewing my views.

No, don’t let me enumerate all the things you have done/gave to me..
- a bottle full of stars
- a goodluck note pinned like those in wish bottles
- borrowed book from you classmate.. I think its an electronics book for our thesis
- a book entitled hope for the flowers, with so many butterflies evolved from two loving caterpillars
- letter
- fixing my blog layout

and so much more.. can’t enumerate, this would be flooding.. I just want to thank you again and again.. really appreciate those a lot. I really really do.

But then, stupid heart, yes, a fool’s heart is all I have. It doesn’t know how to stop, how to end and how to change its choice of the one. If only it knows who to pick so that it’ll not be broken again, if only…, you know it’s going to be you. You know I’m stuck, can’t get loose, cant breathe, can’t move on. Victims, we all are, and victims we’ll all gonna be.

I won’t say goodbye, because for me nothing has ended between us. We are still friends isn’t it?
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:35 am | #


Gravatar Goodbye is not meant for us, goodbyes are for the ones who trashes and leaves it all behind. I will still be here, and when you turn back to see who’s behind, you’ll find me there. But I will not force you, nor tell you what to do. I’ll do what you want, and be the one to adjust, at least, to lessen the pain that I’ve brought you. If I could take it all away from you so you’ll be happy, you know I’ll do it just to see you smile again.


“Then like an answered prayer
I turned you around and found you there

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have broken apart
Fixing a broken heart

Now I don’t understand what I’m going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Because the hurt just disappears
In every moment that you are near
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear

Soon the rain will stop falling
Let’s forget the past
Cause here we are at last…”
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:38 am | #


i'm sorry if i have to post it here. if you want, you can just erase whatever i've said after reading it, somehow i'm scared of what will happen after this. i will not post this on my blog coz i think they will not understand my point in doing all of this. some people are so narrow-minded, that they wouldn't care to listen.

for your readers, thanks for the time in scanning this somehow lengthy "comment".



"i could not ask for more of the love you gave me... coz it's all i've waited for.. and i could not ask for more.."
********** | 11.25.07 - 11:03 am | #

waaaaaaaa.. i dont know anymore what i am to do

i do not know where to go. waaaaa. somehow i do not know if i am to posts all my thoughts here cause it will be very awkward for me if she read the things i want to say. do not get me wrong, its not that i am to say something bad, but the ideas of what i am to do would be somehow not "surprising" anymore in her part. for she will know what i am to do.

hmmmmm.

hehe. its almost christmas, and its cold. wakekeke.

anyway. i really do not know what to do...

by the way, the song that was there was the song she told me that she remembers me by, as i have stated in one of my post. wala lang. i just made it bolder and colored red cause i am really happy that a song was something that a person would remember me by.

wrong spelling

i noticed.

due to much depression while i was writing my last post, that i misspelled the word friend with firend.
hmmmm. i have already said in my description on my profile that i am not fond of looking at the wrong spellings or typographical errors in my posts. for reasons that i am lazy

wakekeke

hmmm. i will be removing haloscan cause diwata can not comment. anyway, disregard the previous post, i have already kept in my mind that i am just some of those ordinary people who you would seldom take a second look at. (as i have staed in my previous post.)

hmmmm.

so these being said, i would return to my new kind of posting, less drama.

hehehe

hmmm. no more left to post. ammm.

(pahabol)

i am contented with "JUST" being the "FRIEND". at least i can always make her laugh and make things go lighter when everything seems to fall down. (as she told me)

but it would be very fulfilling if i had her.
(waaa. tama n nga drama diba...)

and she said "i love you as a firend.."

hey, i never imagine reaching my 95th post. but anyway that is of the main topic for this post's drama.
yes, DRAMA. i know i promised myself to stop this damn over rated dramas who nobody has the time to read. but i need to take this out of my system. i do not want this feeling to clutter up my mind. maybe, i think, that if i try to blurt it out to the public with minimal readers, it would somehow lessen the intensity.

so here we go, let's start.

(so no more diwata, no more butterfly pink addiction, no more partially stalking and no more girl who would change my world)

i opened and logged on to y.m and found her logged in. it was something new to me but the heck, i pmed her.

[insert start of conversation here]
(rather not share)

up to the point that i asked her...


so there it was, I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND.. what every guy somehow dread about when he is pursuing one person of his dreams.

i immediately texted a colleague of mine and he replied

"bat ang saya mo pa ata (having texted him with "haha's". akala ko ba wag pansinin ang time. hirap talga no"

(somehow cut short)

hmmm. yes, i know it hard to move on. i keep on reminding myself every minute to keep in mind the worst. yes i am a pessimist, to avoid much disappointment, but still. it hurts.

hay.. she ws almost my everything

because of her i wanted to e the better, if not the best, man that i could be.

she was my stepping stone for me to become the man i want to be. she was my everything. tho problem is i am just a some one, not important enough to be always by her side.

she was my diwata, the one who would take me away from my misery with her wings, but i never thought she would just pass by, she did not stay.

hay... tama na. ill end it here for the mean time.

thanks for bearing with me.

i do not know what to do, having her say that i do not know if im to still pursue or let go of this feeling.

she was my greatest downfall, i loved her first and i was the only one who loved so much. it was never reciprocated.

(akala ko ba tama na)

(may naalala lang.)

a friend of mine once said, it so pathetic to give without asking for anything in return, somehow you are expecting something even just a little bit.

i guess she was right

kudos to jelai...

PLEASE DO HELP

hmmm.. so here i am once more invading you internet browser with some random blog postswhich almost none would read. i have been studying my previous posts and i have got minimal, if not none, comments which means i should do something drastic to this blog space so i would not be just some internet space clutter with no purpose at all..

so what now should i do? i have already changed my layout.. its blue and a template from blogger, i do not want to change the my lay out though i how how to. (for sample click here). i changed, somehow, my blogging style from full of drama to random posts and videos.

i have included additional click me interactive thingies. i have palced things to make visitors wanna visit me all the time (the mybloglog widget and the cbox) but all i am getting are still few if not very less visitors.

i still lack 2 things, as far as i know.

one would be that i am not blog hopping that much and
two, that i lack the spunk that one person would keep on returning to this space.

hmmm

so what am i suppose to do now?

care to suggest.


pls do. i do want to keep this blog alive and kicking

i dont want this to be another failure on my part

thanks

youtube fame

today is the first day of no thursday classes for me and having stayed at home rather than go to school and help with the stage set-up of an incoming event. hey, i have my excuses, and valid as it is! i did not have the allowance needed for my fare. (my fault actually cause i did not ask any from my mom). well enough about that. lately i have been posting stuffs i have found from youtube which give insights or give you something to laugh and/or think about. i have not much idea of this site, rather only watching uploaded videos under my search parameter. video category blogs i have posted are now so lame with out placing this following people.

first on the list is a very famous youtuber who was previously featured on ABS-CBN (i am neither a kapuso nor a kapamilya fan). before i did not care much about her having not heard of the said featured news, but after having seen an upload of ms.xienahgirl on her multiply site, i have learned that i have miss some part of my life (well maybe im just exaggerating). i also saw rob's comment on the video, titled boypren. it was about a skit about some boyfriend, girl friend thingy.




the director, actor, producer and all of the involved crew are the one and only Happy Slip. one of the most famed youtube subscriber. and as i browsed her site (click her name for the link). i have seen that she is really worthy of what she is right now. damn, she will make you laugh your ass off. she is a filipina, and i being a patriotic guy, am really proud for what she has put the country into, knowing that we are ridiculed by other american networks for joke purposes.

upon browsing ms.xienahgirl's video uploads, i also saw this kid who is some what also very famous in the vlogging word, as well as in youtube. he is kevjumba. he is an asian boy who lives in america and is vlogging his way to popularity. people might relate somehow to his videos because he tackles everyday stuffs that he has encountered as an "ordinary boy" (empa\hasis on ordinary boy cause i don't think he is that ordinary anymore). kevjumba and happyslip already had many collaborated videos and here is one of it.




here is another one





many are imitating the style of this boy when it comes to vlogging and i have seen that some of them were not at all near his level. hmmm. maybe this is all.

hmmm. i think i have blogged to much about this things. i will soon find another great video finds i find worth watching.

(pahabol sentence) im thnking of vlogging to, but im thinking, now that i am blogging, im ot much of a star, what else if i switched to vlogging.

i am thinking of you right now.
i can't stop thinking of you.
i hope i could be with you sooner or later.

earn while networking

please visit this site

you will earn money while adding up friends


its just like friendster, myspace, multiply, facebook and those other sites that offer connections to other people, but here's the catch

while you keep on adding up friends to your network, you gain money as well, just extend your network and allow people to click on your link and see your profile.

it is well explained on the site.

thanks

here's the link by the way

my site

i was tagged

there was a tag for my new fellow blogger carl and for the first time i was included. wow. i was surprised so what the heck. there is no harm in joining. this is the last blog before second sem classes start again that is why some home it is clean. wakekeke. i consider it organized so far.

the first four icons at the upper left corner are the basic icons, my computer, my document, network setting for dsl and recycle bin.

the next set are the shortcuts for the folders i usually access.

the next set are the checklists i need to remind me of the things i am to do, together with it are some images to remind me of stuffs. in addition there are sothink swf decompiler, macromedia flash 8, nero startsmart, quicktime player, limewire 4.14.10, dreamweaver, wimpyflv player registry booster, mu torrent, ultra video converter, nokia pc suite, in-design, photoshop, adobe reader, ulead videostudio 9, amcap, nokia nseries pc suite, mc affe security center, divxmovies, hjsplit, vlc media player, hjsplit again. hmm. that is a lot. wakekeke. some of those are not used anymore and i categorized themaccording to shape, hehe

on the upper right are usual programmes that my mom uses. zuma, solitaire, internet explorer, yahoo messenger, she alwasys have a chat session with my aunt at dubai.

at the middle are files i use to manipulate and edit web sites.

the bottom bar is composed of shortcuts i usually use.

wow. this is one borring post. wakekeke...

TAG STARTS HERE:

My Desktop Free View
Instruction:

A. Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.

You can do a screen capture
by: [1] Going to your desktop and pressing the Print Scrn key (located on the right side of the F12 key). [2] Open a graphics program (like Picture Manager, Paint, or Photoshop) and do a Paste (CTRL + V). [3] If you wish, you can “edit” the image, before saving it.

B. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below it if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.

C. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.

D. Add your name to this list of Free Viewers with a link pointing directly to your Desktop Free View post to promote it to succeeding participants.

i am tagging

1. you
2. him
3. her
4. she
5. he

have nobody in particular to tag. hehe

damn!
i miss diwata

go bords

do you know what bords is?
how about the kicking fish, have any idea what it is?
the running rooster?

or how about the black-bords?
do you know who benjo is?
how about tonton?
maybe talibong1, do you know him?

well, they have been a craze in the youtube world, they have posted numerous videos where they dubbed 1 famous movie, 300. well,maybe its typical for some to do these but the catch is that they did it in ilonggo. nice. you may not understand the film but you will surely enjoy the sound effects, the voice projection and even the execution.you will really feel the emotion. ammm, well maybe not, because their films will surely knock you off your feet. i first heard this from my org-mate, he said look for 300 bisaya. then i saw it at youtube. weeks later it was gone and i was informed that it was changed to a title more suitable, 300 illongo, because it was illongo in the first place.

this is the link to talibong1's youtube site where the videos are uploaded

i enjoyed watching their videos, the emotion was extreme and heres the catch, they don't want to reveal who they are. they have a myspace site.

they really became an instant hit on the web,i hope i were like them. i saw in one of their uploads in youtube that they already have 10,000 + views, some even upto 437,000+. that either means many has viewed the video or people keeps on going back to view the video once more

here is sample video


this is it for now...

great video finds

i have been scouting my multiply groups ad watching some uploaded videos and saw some great finds such as the non electronic candle design ammmm. they call it as Random Screen (i dont know if you can view the video in the page. but its worth a try. the real site for these kind of things are found at this site



this things are soda cans manipulated to look like what you see. the insides are candles which gives light and at the same time rotates the contraption made of soda cans. now if you can watch the video, you will see that at first it looked like some electronically made device which would be powered by electricity, but as it is shown on the back, the picture above is the one manipulating the pixels. can't explain it much in detail so i looked for a video to show you what i am talking about. here it is.



hmmm. how you could watch it. that is one heck of an idea. it was awesome and was really easy to do. but if your not really in that kind of sharing maybe this would be of your interest.

the next video i am to share with you would be something crazy. haven't really studied what their motive is in doing such things but i enjoyed the weird videos that they showed.

the videos show different things being put to the blender such marbles, golf balls, glowsticks, DIGITAL VIDEO CAMERA! (damn, they could have just given it to me), IPOD, and to my surprise, actually this video is what gave me the interest to blog these video, an iphone, freshly bought. their site is Will It Blend? here is the video.



maybe they are promoting their blender or something i don't give a damn, my problem is SAYANG ANG MGA GAMIT!!!. most of those things are in my wish list. damn. for more on WILL IT BLEND videos, you could visit the youtube or CLICK THIS LINK which will direct you to search parameter on youtube.

it is time

damn!
i need to change!

but i don't know how to

i have realized, but somehow its too late.many have been avoiding me, trying to create distance after a long run of pure unadulterated trust

but why? is it because that when they already know me they see the real me and see that i am a mother fucking asshole, bastard. not worthy of their friendship? their trust.

believe me i have been wanting to change, for the better, for my own sake, but i have failed numerous countless number of times. i am about to give up

but i should not. i should not give up. i know the efforts of some few chosen should not go to waste. they have given too much patience to me to help me. but honestly i really don not know how

they have told me that i should not rely my decision of changing on other peoples effort, what if they are to leave me,if they are to go, where am i to get the backbone? this ma be the reason for my return, return to the old me.

i hate it. i hate who i am right now. many have come and go and few stayed. and i am sick and tired of it. i have to break the this continuity. i hope i can. i hope i will not be all start with no finish with this thought. i really want to change. its for me. its for the best.

please teach me how.

APO HIKING SOCIETY lyrics

by the way. i made a layout for a friend. please visit her link and comment on my tag board on what you think about the layout i made

she is jennifer elaine

thanks