Monday, November 26, 2007

and she said...

a good day to everybody. first of all i would like to thank the following people who have read my post and commented on it, even if its so damn "MADRAMA". i just wanted to express my feelings and i do not know where else to blurt it out but here. th following people are:

a. IRISH
b. DONYA QUIXOTE
c. ICARUS

bweno, lets start the post, i have wrote in


(literally wrong spelled cause the post was spelled wrong, and instead of changing it to the correct one,i rather left it that way cause the next post to it was related to it. )

that she has told me things got me somehow depressed. she already told me before that we are friends and i am, maybe, one of the very exceptional ones. but i kept on pushing myself in her heart to win her love. but then she told me just days ago those 5 words that a guy would go drama about. but then again, she somehow told me these things in reply to my post.

zeus..

this may seem so unusual of me to comment on this, but just let me do this, ok?

i love you as a friend.. if you can still remember, i had already said this twice. once, when you asked me about waiting etc, and lastly days before neces' variety show.

i want to say this personally, especially when we talked last wednesday. but honestly, i really don't want you to be hurt in anyway, or anyhow. i value our firnedship, and i'll always be thankful to you, not just because of all the things that you had done for me, but because of the happiness and contentment that i felt during those times when you make me feel how important i am to you. no one has ever touched my heart the way you did, and in my silence, i feel blessed to have you as a friend, and someone, “just” someone, but the ONE who cared the most, and loved the most.

no, i don't want this to be seen by people whom i don't know, my intention is just to say this in a way where i can pour out my emotions and all that's bothering my mind regarding this issue, and things that you have mentioned in the church. yes, in the church. some people may have a grudge on me because i have hurt you, although unintentionally, but still, i know i did, and it hurts me too. i don't want to justify myself to them, because they don't know me personally, and they know you better than me. i'll just let them think whatever they want to think about me. but what i'm concerned is what you think of me after the bliss.

At first, when you said that you somehow like me, I thought that you’re just one of them, just a passerby who comes, says hi, then leave after a short time. No, you’re not. You’re different from all the people I’ve met before. You made me feel happy after all the sadness that I once felt after a grim heartbreak. I thought that i don’t deserve to feel loved, and you proved it all wrong. At times when I feel so down and left out, you’re there by my side, uplifting my spirit, and renewing my views.

No, don’t let me enumerate all the things you have done/gave to me..
- a bottle full of stars
- a goodluck note pinned like those in wish bottles
- borrowed book from you classmate.. I think its an electronics book for our thesis
- a book entitled hope for the flowers, with so many butterflies evolved from two loving caterpillars
- letter
- fixing my blog layout

and so much more.. can’t enumerate, this would be flooding.. I just want to thank you again and again.. really appreciate those a lot. I really really do.

But then, stupid heart, yes, a fool’s heart is all I have. It doesn’t know how to stop, how to end and how to change its choice of the one. If only it knows who to pick so that it’ll not be broken again, if only…, you know it’s going to be you. You know I’m stuck, can’t get loose, cant breathe, can’t move on. Victims, we all are, and victims we’ll all gonna be.

I won’t say goodbye, because for me nothing has ended between us. We are still friends isn’t it?
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:35 am | #


Gravatar Goodbye is not meant for us, goodbyes are for the ones who trashes and leaves it all behind. I will still be here, and when you turn back to see who’s behind, you’ll find me there. But I will not force you, nor tell you what to do. I’ll do what you want, and be the one to adjust, at least, to lessen the pain that I’ve brought you. If I could take it all away from you so you’ll be happy, you know I’ll do it just to see you smile again.


“Then like an answered prayer
I turned you around and found you there

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have broken apart
Fixing a broken heart

Now I don’t understand what I’m going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Because the hurt just disappears
In every moment that you are near
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear

Soon the rain will stop falling
Let’s forget the past
Cause here we are at last…”
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:38 am | #


i'm sorry if i have to post it here. if you want, you can just erase whatever i've said after reading it, somehow i'm scared of what will happen after this. i will not post this on my blog coz i think they will not understand my point in doing all of this. some people are so narrow-minded, that they wouldn't care to listen.

for your readers, thanks for the time in scanning this somehow lengthy "comment".



"i could not ask for more of the love you gave me... coz it's all i've waited for.. and i could not ask for more.."
********** | 11.25.07 - 11:03 am | #

waaaaaaaa.. i dont know anymore what i am to do

i do not know where to go. waaaaa. somehow i do not know if i am to posts all my thoughts here cause it will be very awkward for me if she read the things i want to say. do not get me wrong, its not that i am to say something bad, but the ideas of what i am to do would be somehow not "surprising" anymore in her part. for she will know what i am to do.

hmmmmm.

hehe. its almost christmas, and its cold. wakekeke.

anyway. i really do not know what to do...

by the way, the song that was there was the song she told me that she remembers me by, as i have stated in one of my post. wala lang. i just made it bolder and colored red cause i am really happy that a song was something that a person would remember me by.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

wrong spelling

i noticed.

due to much depression while i was writing my last post, that i misspelled the word friend with firend.
hmmmm. i have already said in my description on my profile that i am not fond of looking at the wrong spellings or typographical errors in my posts. for reasons that i am lazy

wakekeke

hmmm. i will be removing haloscan cause diwata can not comment. anyway, disregard the previous post, i have already kept in my mind that i am just some of those ordinary people who you would seldom take a second look at. (as i have staed in my previous post.)

hmmmm.

so these being said, i would return to my new kind of posting, less drama.

hehehe

hmmm. no more left to post. ammm.

(pahabol)

i am contented with "JUST" being the "FRIEND". at least i can always make her laugh and make things go lighter when everything seems to fall down. (as she told me)

but it would be very fulfilling if i had her.
(waaa. tama n nga drama diba...)

Monday, November 19, 2007

and she said "i love you as a firend.."

hey, i never imagine reaching my 95th post. but anyway that is of the main topic for this post's drama.
yes, DRAMA. i know i promised myself to stop this damn over rated dramas who nobody has the time to read. but i need to take this out of my system. i do not want this feeling to clutter up my mind. maybe, i think, that if i try to blurt it out to the public with minimal readers, it would somehow lessen the intensity.

so here we go, let's start.

(so no more diwata, no more butterfly pink addiction, no more partially stalking and no more girl who would change my world)

i opened and logged on to y.m and found her logged in. it was something new to me but the heck, i pmed her.

[insert start of conversation here]
(rather not share)

up to the point that i asked her...


so there it was, I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND.. what every guy somehow dread about when he is pursuing one person of his dreams.

i immediately texted a colleague of mine and he replied

"bat ang saya mo pa ata (having texted him with "haha's". akala ko ba wag pansinin ang time. hirap talga no"

(somehow cut short)

hmmm. yes, i know it hard to move on. i keep on reminding myself every minute to keep in mind the worst. yes i am a pessimist, to avoid much disappointment, but still. it hurts.

hay.. she ws almost my everything

because of her i wanted to e the better, if not the best, man that i could be.

she was my stepping stone for me to become the man i want to be. she was my everything. tho problem is i am just a some one, not important enough to be always by her side.

she was my diwata, the one who would take me away from my misery with her wings, but i never thought she would just pass by, she did not stay.

hay... tama na. ill end it here for the mean time.

thanks for bearing with me.

i do not know what to do, having her say that i do not know if im to still pursue or let go of this feeling.

she was my greatest downfall, i loved her first and i was the only one who loved so much. it was never reciprocated.

(akala ko ba tama na)

(may naalala lang.)

a friend of mine once said, it so pathetic to give without asking for anything in return, somehow you are expecting something even just a little bit.

i guess she was right

kudos to jelai...

Sunday, November 11, 2007

PLEASE DO HELP

hmmm.. so here i am once more invading you internet browser with some random blog postswhich almost none would read. i have been studying my previous posts and i have got minimal, if not none, comments which means i should do something drastic to this blog space so i would not be just some internet space clutter with no purpose at all..

so what now should i do? i have already changed my layout.. its blue and a template from blogger, i do not want to change the my lay out though i how how to. (for sample click here). i changed, somehow, my blogging style from full of drama to random posts and videos.

i have included additional click me interactive thingies. i have palced things to make visitors wanna visit me all the time (the mybloglog widget and the cbox) but all i am getting are still few if not very less visitors.

i still lack 2 things, as far as i know.

one would be that i am not blog hopping that much and
two, that i lack the spunk that one person would keep on returning to this space.

hmmm

so what am i suppose to do now?

care to suggest.


pls do. i do want to keep this blog alive and kicking

i dont want this to be another failure on my part

thanks

Thursday, November 08, 2007

youtube fame


today is the first day of no thursday classes for me and having stayed at home rather than go to school and help with the stage set-up of an incoming event. hey, i have my excuses, and valid as it is! i did not have the allowance needed for my fare. (my fault actually cause i did not ask any from my mom). well enough about that. lately i have been posting stuffs i have found from youtube which give insights or give you something to laugh and/or think about. i have not much idea of this site, rather only watching uploaded videos under my search parameter. video category blogs i have posted are now so lame with out placing this following people.

first on the list is a very famous youtuber who was previously featured on ABS-CBN (i am neither a kapuso nor a kapamilya fan). before i did not care much about her having not heard of the said featured news, but after having seen an upload of ms.xienahgirl on her multiply site, i have learned that i have miss some part of my life (well maybe im just exaggerating). i also saw rob's comment on the video, titled boypren. it was about a skit about some boyfriend, girl friend thingy.




the director, actor, producer and all of the involved crew are the one and only Happy Slip. one of the most famed youtube subscriber. and as i browsed her site (click her name for the link). i have seen that she is really worthy of what she is right now. damn, she will make you laugh your ass off. she is a filipina, and i being a patriotic guy, am really proud for what she has put the country into, knowing that we are ridiculed by other american networks for joke purposes.

upon browsing ms.xienahgirl's video uploads, i also saw this kid who is some what also very famous in the vlogging word, as well as in youtube. he is kevjumba. he is an asian boy who lives in america and is vlogging his way to popularity. people might relate somehow to his videos because he tackles everyday stuffs that he has encountered as an "ordinary boy" (empa\hasis on ordinary boy cause i don't think he is that ordinary anymore). kevjumba and happyslip already had many collaborated videos and here is one of it.




here is another one





many are imitating the style of this boy when it comes to vlogging and i have seen that some of them were not at all near his level. hmmm. maybe this is all.

hmmm. i think i have blogged to much about this things. i will soon find another great video finds i find worth watching.

(pahabol sentence) im thnking of vlogging to, but im thinking, now that i am blogging, im ot much of a star, what else if i switched to vlogging.


i am thinking of you right now.
i can't stop thinking of you.
i hope i could be with you sooner or later.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

earn while networking

please visit this site

you will earn money while adding up friends


its just like friendster, myspace, multiply, facebook and those other sites that offer connections to other people, but here's the catch

while you keep on adding up friends to your network, you gain money as well, just extend your network and allow people to click on your link and see your profile.

it is well explained on the site.

thanks

here's the link by the way

Monday, November 05, 2007

i was tagged



there was a tag for my new fellow blogger carl and for the first time i was included. wow. i was surprised so what the heck. there is no harm in joining. this is the last blog before second sem classes start again that is why some home it is clean. wakekeke. i consider it organized so far.

the first four icons at the upper left corner are the basic icons, my computer, my document, network setting for dsl and recycle bin.

the next set are the shortcuts for the folders i usually access.

the next set are the checklists i need to remind me of the things i am to do, together with it are some images to remind me of stuffs. in addition there are sothink swf decompiler, macromedia flash 8, nero startsmart, quicktime player, limewire 4.14.10, dreamweaver, wimpyflv player registry booster, mu torrent, ultra video converter, nokia pc suite, in-design, photoshop, adobe reader, ulead videostudio 9, amcap, nokia nseries pc suite, mc affe security center, divxmovies, hjsplit, vlc media player, hjsplit again. hmm. that is a lot. wakekeke. some of those are not used anymore and i categorized themaccording to shape, hehe

on the upper right are usual programmes that my mom uses. zuma, solitaire, internet explorer, yahoo messenger, she alwasys have a chat session with my aunt at dubai.

at the middle are files i use to manipulate and edit web sites.

the bottom bar is composed of shortcuts i usually use.

wow. this is one borring post. wakekeke...

TAG STARTS HERE:

My Desktop Free View
Instruction:

A. Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.

You can do a screen capture
by: [1] Going to your desktop and pressing the Print Scrn key (located on the right side of the F12 key). [2] Open a graphics program (like Picture Manager, Paint, or Photoshop) and do a Paste (CTRL + V). [3] If you wish, you can “edit” the image, before saving it.

B. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below it if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.

C. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.

D. Add your name to this list of Free Viewers with a link pointing directly to your Desktop Free View post to promote it to succeeding participants.

i am tagging

1. you
2. him
3. her
4. she
5. he

have nobody in particular to tag. hehe
damn!
i miss diwata


Friday, November 02, 2007

go bords

do you know what bords is?
how about the kicking fish, have any idea what it is?
the running rooster?

or how about the black-bords?
do you know who benjo is?
how about tonton?
maybe talibong1, do you know him?

well, they have been a craze in the youtube world, they have posted numerous videos where they dubbed 1 famous movie, 300. well,maybe its typical for some to do these but the catch is that they did it in ilonggo. nice. you may not understand the film but you will surely enjoy the sound effects, the voice projection and even the execution.you will really feel the emotion. ammm, well maybe not, because their films will surely knock you off your feet. i first heard this from my org-mate, he said look for 300 bisaya. then i saw it at youtube. weeks later it was gone and i was informed that it was changed to a title more suitable, 300 illongo, because it was illongo in the first place.


i enjoyed watching their videos, the emotion was extreme and heres the catch, they don't want to reveal who they are. they have a myspace site.

they really became an instant hit on the web,i hope i were like them. i saw in one of their uploads in youtube that they already have 10,000 + views, some even upto 437,000+. that either means many has viewed the video or people keeps on going back to view the video once more

here is sample video


this is it for now...

great video finds

i have been scouting my multiply groups ad watching some uploaded videos and saw some great finds such as the non electronic candle design ammmm. they call it as Random Screen (i dont know if you can view the video in the page. but its worth a try. the real site for these kind of things are found at this site



this things are soda cans manipulated to look like what you see. the insides are candles which gives light and at the same time rotates the contraption made of soda cans. now if you can watch the video, you will see that at first it looked like some electronically made device which would be powered by electricity, but as it is shown on the back, the picture above is the one manipulating the pixels. can't explain it much in detail so i looked for a video to show you what i am talking about. here it is.



hmmm. how you could watch it. that is one heck of an idea. it was awesome and was really easy to do. but if your not really in that kind of sharing maybe this would be of your interest.

the next video i am to share with you would be something crazy. haven't really studied what their motive is in doing such things but i enjoyed the weird videos that they showed.

the videos show different things being put to the blender such marbles, golf balls, glowsticks, DIGITAL VIDEO CAMERA! (damn, they could have just given it to me), IPOD, and to my surprise, actually this video is what gave me the interest to blog these video, an iphone, freshly bought. their site is Will It Blend? here is the video.



maybe they are promoting their blender or something i don't give a damn, my problem is SAYANG ANG MGA GAMIT!!!. most of those things are in my wish list. damn. for more on WILL IT BLEND videos, you could visit the youtube or CLICK THIS LINK which will direct you to search parameter on youtube.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

it is time

damn!
i need to
change!

but i don't know how to



i have realized, but somehow its too late.many have been avoiding me, trying to create distance after a long run of pure unadulterated trust

but why? is it because that when they already know me they see the real me and see that i am a mother fucking asshole, bastard. not worthy of their friendship? their trust.

believe me i have been wanting to change, for the better, for my own sake, but i have failed numerous countless number of times. i am about to give up

but i should not. i should not give up. i know the efforts of some few chosen should not go to waste. they have given too much patience to me to help me. but honestly i really don not know how

they have told me that i should not rely my decision of changing on other peoples effort, what if they are to leave me,if they are to go, where am i to get the backbone? this ma be the reason for my return, return to the old me.

i hate it. i hate who i am right now. many have come and go and few stayed. and i am sick and tired of it. i have to break the this continuity. i hope i can. i hope i will not be all start with no finish with this thought. i really want to change. its for me. its for the best.

please teach me how.






APO HIKING SOCIETY lyrics


by the way. i made a layout for a friend. please visit her link and comment on my tag board on what you think about the layout i made

she is jennifer elaine

thanks

Monday, October 29, 2007

songs and lessons

i am not fond of listening to the radio regularly. i only listen to it if it somebody else is listening to it or if somebody told me to turn it on and listen to some specific station.

and one of those instance happened. we were on the way to west ave, me and my family, when the station was tuned to one of those "PANGGA" station. they were playing this song

NAGHIHINTAY
by: Jacob
from the album: Naghihintay

Kelan bang makikita ng iyong mga mata
Kelan bang maririnig sayo na tayo na

[refrain]
Huwag mo akong sisihin kung ang lungkot ng aking damdamin
Bakit di mo akong subukan suyuin…suyuin

[Chorus]
Naghihintay, kahit parang wala pag-asa
Handa, maghintay kahit pa may’ron kang iba
Bahala na,
Naghihintay ako na ika’y makasama
Kahit na, naghihintay
Kahit parang wala na

Bakit ba di mo buksan ang iyong mga mata
Nang ang oras natin ay di na masayang pa

[repeat refrain]

[repeat chorus]

[repeat chorus]

Huwag mo akong sisihin
kung biglang sumuko ang damdamin
di mo kasi ako pinapansin


instantly i remembered her, DIWATA. though i dont want to be the drama king that i am, i still wanted to share this post. well, if you do not know the song, here is its mtv



another thing to share. last last night, i got myself caught by my parents going out to party way pass bed time with out even asking their permission. unfortunate for me, they texted me and asked where the hell i was. i told them that i only looked for a loading station and got my self pass my time with some company when in fact i was having a drinking session with my buddies. the invitation was unexpected and out of the blue so i rather not ask permission.

consequently,they got mad at me. i understand them but the damage has been done. lesson learned, try not get yourself caught if you are to enter some risky stupid move. naaaaahhhh.. wrong lesson. the right lesson is, why you are still in your parents care, do what you should do, ask permission. there is no harm in trying.and if they did not allow you, that is the time you sneak out at night. wakekeke.

in addition, my parents did not talked to me the whole day yesterday and my mom is still not talking to me up to now. my fault, they only cared too much. reason? im an only child which might cancel out the fact that i am a man. wakekeke. hmmm. about the only child issue will be another post's concern. well,enough about that. peace out.

waaaaaa. 1 more thing. i forgot to post this song. so ill post it now.



fixing a broken heart

There was nothing to say the day she left
I just filled a suitcase full of regrets
I hailed a taxi in the rain
Looking for some place to ease the pain, ooh
Then like an answered prayer
I turned around and found you there

* You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can`t cure any fool
Whose dreams have fallen apart
Fixing a broken heart

Ever could understand what I'm going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Cause of the hurt just disappears
In every moment you are near, yeah
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear

* repeat

Soon the rain will stop falling baby
Let's I'll forget the past
'cause here we are at last

* repeat

Saturday, October 27, 2007

random things once again

everybody has been blogging about ERAP, the Glorrietta bombing and the ZTE scandal lately and i dont want to ride with the norm.

hmmm

so to break the norm here is something that i am to post.

unfortunately i was texting away friends and colleagues about stuffs and works to be done. when the time came that i was to text DIWATA this image showed up in my 3530 cellphone. (yes, i am still using an old phone that has been in my possession for ages.)

waaaaaaa. that is the problem when there is no school, my mother is not providing me any allowance.

hmmm. just gonna think of some way to get money for me to reload my account and continue to text DIWATA.

hmmmm... anything else? here is a find i saw from the web.


click image to view larger picture.


another thing, i really enjoy watching short films with meaning and is very fulfilling to watch. (parang apaka wrong grammar ata) anyway, i was browsing my multiply network and saw this great find from benjie , a former highschool batchmate. it was an entry on "ON THE LOT" show aired by the FOX network. i saw some of the entries that were submitted there and watched some short films. but still, because of my patriotism, i still rather choose this film from paolo dy titled qwerty.




this is a nice film, i really liked it, short in time but the story is full. to view other films from the show search for "on the lot" in the search field on youtube.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

ramdom thoughts.

she was not happy when she saw it so i rather erased it

though i placed and invested lots of time to make that post i rather put it to waste if that would make her some how angry or not at ease with the topic posted.

she already knows the topic anyway and she was involved in it

anyway to compensate for the erased post. ( rather not share what was in it) i am going to blog something different instead. the problem is im totally blank right now. hmmm. wait, let me think...

hmmm ill post this .gif image as a somewhat cheesy somewhat corni somewhat etc.
i like it cause it a look alike of the pon and zi character we all know.(maybe only some)


this image is not from that said site. but rather made by a different person i don't know who.
(in the preview and while im making this post, the image is not moving. hope that it moves when i already post it.)
(click the image to see the moving image. thanks)

another to share is this stick fight .gif image. i dont like it that much but i wouldlike to share it with you guys. its entertaining and somehow "ALIW"


these images are from my cousins cellphone. thanks to him.

and lastly i would like to share this stupid dance done by nobody else but yours truly. wakekeke. it was a trip by me and my cousins. we were bored and i was my usual "GAGO" who wants to always kid around and make everybody laugh. its a "SINABAWANG GULAY" video done by the author of this post.wakekeke. ('di man lang ako nahiya. wakekeke. ginagao ko nanaman sarili ko)




i was suppose to upload it using blogspot but it was ages to load it. i dont know why maybe because in downloading heros in the background.anyway, here's an embed from youtube.

for other uploadedvideos by me, click my YOUTUBE SITE
for other videos i like and would like to shre here is my MULTIPLY SITE
some videos on my MULTIPLY SITE are our dance at the NECES induction ball, cartoons i like, and the kagaguhan video you see above.

hmmm. anything else? hmmm. wait. ill browse my pc for fun finds i would like to share to the readers of this blog site. hehe

i saw some other pictures to blog about. these are the shirt designs that i made for the organization i belong to, NECES. but unfortunately they did not include my entry. its fine cause my friend won anyway.

SET1



click to view image.
from left to right, the design on shirt, the front design, the back design



SET 2




click to view image.
from left to right, the design on shirt, the back design, the front design

these is all for now... i may already have raped your internet browser and internet connection but thanks for reading up to this point.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

family affair

WARNING: hate post/anti family values post ahead.



ever heard of the simpsons? the dysfunctional family who amused and entertained all of us through numerous numbers of years?
how about the family guy? another semi dysfunctional family with somehow the same theme as the simpsons.

well, there is one thing that they have in common, they are both dysfunctional. and for tonight i am going to share my damn hatred and deep stupid damn shit emotions regarding not specifically with my mother nor my father but to the extended family that i have.

we have been living in a "COZY" home as far as my memory takes me. we have been living with my grandmother and grandfather, father's side of the family, but that's not all i am also living with my ninong (my father's brother), his wife, their adopted daughter, my uncle (another brother of my father), his wife, my cousins, 1damn stupid irritating mother fucking maid and my cousins cousins from their mother's side.

damn. now i know why im so "MADRAMA", a semi backstabber, "MAARTE" kind of a guy. its all because of those people. don't get me wrong, i LIKE living with them, emphasis on like, but love is out of the question. damn. im so mad that i can't even think straight typing this post.

you may say that im a no good son of a bitch who does not even think before i act (well i also got that from them) but i am telling you im full of it.

everyday is like a telenobela, its like they are all psychotics with minds not working properly. everyday mt grandma always boasts bmy grandpa they he is going gaga over the maid. damn. my grandpa's penis does not even work anymore, she always says that "INAAPAKAN MO ANG PAGKABABAE KO" da hell!

waaaaa..

i may have spilled to much for this post but believe me, there's more. it only frustrates me more if i continue. i just need an outlet.

thanks for reading if you got to this part. damn im so mad.
ma,pa, lets transfer n kasi. ayoko na dito!!!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

drama

drama
drama
drama

ang buhay ko ay punong puno ng drama

masyado kong pinapaikot ang mudo ko sa emo

masyado na akong madrama

makailang tao na ang nawala sa pagdradrama ko.

pero hindi ko parin magawang itigil ito


masyado pa akong mabilis mag tiwala sa isang tao

binubuhos na agad ang lahat ng tiwala sa unang pagkakilala

kaya pag hindi pala seryoso at iniwan ako

ako ang nagdradrama

hay

tama na muna

ang nakakainis lang kasi

MADAMING NANG KAIBIGAN ANG NANG IWAN SAKIN

hay

panget kasi ng ugali ko

anyway

tama na ang drama

for now

Sunday, October 07, 2007

silence




One last post before I place myself in the world of exclusion.

Tomorrow’s going to be the start of our finals and I am to start reviewing.


To my fellow blogmate/ orgmate

I have no hard feelings for you, I am neither destroying your reputation to any one. Neither am I trying to make the person you "love" to dislike you. I am not taking her for my own. You don’t know me and you can never say such things. I hate what you are doing and not you in totality.

I mentioned in my previous post that you are a plain copy cat. I do not and never will I resent those claims. It is not only I who had noticed these things. It has been tested and yes, you did do these things numerous times over and over again. She blogged, you blogged, she is a working student, you apply for one, I posted some comments you did the same. Need I to reiterate what there is left? This post would be so long if I did so.

And it was not I who did something against you in the first place. You did, I never did nothing against you! Damn, you go on and on saying stuff like those without even thinking what you are blurting out. I myself have proofs and I would have not posted that if it was only I who have noticed it.

Enough about you!


To the butterfly I so have given so much attention

Am I to give up? You never told me to stop. My friends are telling me things to do, to either stop or go on. I am so full of it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Yes, you are very important tome, but you still love that guy. Though you’re confused I know you still love him so much. I don’t know, it is only now that I have held on to something I started. I always give up so early that it hurts me more compared to if I pursued. Maybe I’m not fit for anybody? Maybe I am not meant for anyone.

There, in your blog, numerous guys flooding. There, in your friendster numerous lads falling. I don’t know. Am I giving too much meaning to something that has nothing at all? Am I to resign my position to pursue you. Nagmumukha na akong tanga kasi. I love you, but I think it’s not enough. You don’t want to talk about it and you don’t want to talk to me. All I'm waiting for is for you to tell me to stop. That’s all.


I need to do these to lessen things I am thinking of before I start studying. Thanks for bearing with me…

Friday, October 05, 2007

dahil siya ay mahal ko na


Wala sa bokabularyo ko ang salitang move on o let go. Oo, nakaklimot ako, naiwawaglit sa isip ang mga maaring matatamis o mapapit na naranasan ko ngunit sa isang iglap na may muling magbuhay ng aking diwa sa alaala ng mga bagay na iyon ay muling magbabalik at magbabalik ang disposisyon ko sa mga bagay na naganap na.

Oo, madrama ako. Isang nilalang na nabubuhay na napupuno ng pighati at dalamhati sa buhay. Pilit ko na itong iniwawaglit sa aking sistema ngunit makailang bese na akong nabigo. Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong gawin. Ngunit sa kabutihang palad ay unti unti ng nababwasan ang pagdradramang ito

Oo, isa akong nilalang na pursigido. Isa akong pesimistang optimista. Kakaiba, naglalaban na ideya ngunit iyan ako. Pilit kong papanindigan ang mga bagay na alam kong ikakasaya ko sa huli kahit na puro pighati na ang aking nadarama at nararanasan. Hindi ko alam kung pano sumuko, kahit nakikita ko ng wala naming patutunguhan.

Oo, mahal ko siya, ngunit sapat na ba na mahal ko sya upang ipagpatuloy ko ang aking ginagawa? Ipagpatuloy na maging pursigidong makuha ang kanyang puso? Mahal ko sya, oo mahal ko sya, isang nilalang na ubod ng importante sa aking pagkabuhay. Oo, siguro masyado na akong nagiging ideyalistiko, tumitingin sa panaginip na aking ninanais. Nangangarap ng bulat ang parehong mata.

Naisip ko tuloy, oo, may mga nasasabi sakin ang nilalang na iyon. Meron syang nasasabing mga bagay na magaganda, nakakapagbahagi ng mga ekspiryensya at dalamhati. Ngunit gusto ko din malaman ang aking posisyon, ipagpapatuloy ko ba o hindi ang mga bagay na aking ginagawa? Ako ba ay may pwesto sa puso nya. Aminado akong ako ay laging nasa estado ng paranoya kaya naiisip ko din na baka naman sa isang nilalang na may puwang pa sa puso nya ay nasasbing isa lamang akong kaibigan at hanggang duon na lang.

Sinabi nyang hindi pa sya handa, ilan n ba sialng nagsabi sakin nun? Sabi ng iba ay oo, maaring hindi pa naghihilom ang puso nya, ang iba ay ibinabahagi sakin na ito ay isang palusot lamang. Hindi ko na alam. Mahal ko na sya. Ipagpapatuloy ko ba o sapat na iyon para ako ay sumuko na.

Ang alam ko ay mahal ko sya. Sapat na ba iyon para mag patuloy ay hindi isang balidong rason upang hindi ko ituloy ang aking pagtigil?

pahabol na talata. sana naman magkaroon ng sariling isip ang ibang tao at hindi nakikisakay sa ginagawa ng iba. magkaroon ka ng sarili mong distinksyon at wag kang magkaroon ng isang pagkataong gumagaya sa iba. hindi purkit gusto ng isa ay gugustuhin mo na rin at iisiiping dati mo pa ginusto ang bagay na iyon. magkaroon ka ng marka na pang sarili mo at hindi isang markang nailathala na ng iba.

Monday, October 01, 2007

wish list


i am a self confessed nationalist, i support the filipino community not totally 100 percent but more than enough compared to other fellow filipinoes.

i have been eying these set of shirts but unfortunately i have insufficient funds to buy myself one of these. these shirts came from THE TSHIRT PROJECT who originally brought to us Spoofs Ltd. Now the have so much designs which made more frustrated.

hey, anybody out there reading these post, in my birthday, o sooner, in christmas

could someone give me one of their designs

not specifically what i have posted. it would mean so much to me

hehe

(another lame post)

since we are on the topic of wish lists, i would like to post the things i would like to have at my birthday

1. one THE TSHIRT PROJECT shirt
2. DSLR camera (not giving any specifics as long as itis in fact DSLR, or a nice digicam would do)
3. new cellphone
4. upgraded pc or laptop (no specifics again)
5. for her to become my girlfriend
6. to graduate on time (woohoo, 1 sem left)
7. to pass the board exam
8. a car
9. a new ketboard (i just bought this keyboard i am currently using and its already broaken. thats what you get with cheap merchandise)
10. a new mouse

(wow, that was a mixture of earthly goods and non material wishes)

anyway

thanks for your time...

Saturday, September 22, 2007

lagot

hala...

lagot

kahit hindi ikaw ang solely may sala

ikaw ang pagbubuntuhan ng galit

lagi ka na langmali bumanat

lagot ka

bakit kasi binulsa ang pondo

bwisit

ano p ba magagawa ko diba

lagot ka

Monday, September 17, 2007

oras nga lang / it was only time


akala ko tapos na. nasira na ang pagkakaibigan aking itinamin.
i thought it was the end. broken is the friendship that i have planted.

akala ko wala ng pag asa, ang tiwalang aking naipundar ay mawawala na lang na parangbula.
i though there was no chance, the trust that i have invested will just burst like a bubble.

akala ko huli na ang lahat, magiging isang ordinaryong tao na lang ako sa kaibigang matalik na tinuring ko.
i thought it was too late, ordinary beings would be left of the once best friend i had

ngunit oras lang pala ang kailangan ng tao
but time is what a person needs

malaki ang nagagawa ng oras, madaming naayos pag binigyan ng oras.
time can do big things, lots of things may be fix given ample time.

at ng dahil sa kaganapang ito ay nagkaroon ako ng panibagong natanto
and because of this event,i had another insight

hanggat may oras may pag asa
while there is time there is hope

kaya siguro sa ngayon, hanggat ako ay hindi pa pinapatigil, ay itutuloy ko parin ang pagtahak sa landas na ito
maybe that is why upto now, while im not yet being stopped, i still continue to pursue this road

hindi ko sya bibitawan. yan ang natutunan ako sa matalik kong kaibigan.
i will not let you go. that is what i have learned from my best friend.

at yun din ang leksyon isasabuhay ko sayo
and that is the lesson that i will pursue to you

sayong tinuturing kong diwata...
you who i considere as fairy...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

time for a change/oras para sa pagbabago


then there was temporary silence as those who were triumphant were announced.
at nagkaroon ng pannadaliang katahimikan ng sasambitin na ang mga nagwagi

one by one the competitors prayed and braced their selves for the result that is of what they were fighting for
isa-isa ang mga nagsipaglaban ay nagsambit ng dasal at inihanda ang sarili sa magiging kapalaran ng kanilangipinaglalaban

the were all ready to rejoice, jump for joy and cheer as wildly as they can but only the best of the batch would be chosen
lahat ay handanghandang magpunyagi, tumalon sa tuwa at magsisigaw ng walang katapusan pero ang magaling lang sa grupo angmapipili

then there was silence, in a form of total noise, noise that would silence your own voice which would drown only drown in the pool of cheers
at merong katahimikan, katahimikan sa porma ng sobrang ingay, ingay na tatahimik sa iyong sariling boses dahil ito ay malulunod sa mga hiyaw

there were only place for 3 in the top spots and 1 who would take home the real pride.
meron lamang 3 posisyong asa itaas at isa lang ang makakapaguwi ng yabang

then there was again silence when the third was given to them, they did not expected it
at nagkaroon ulit ng katahimikan ng sinambit ang ikatlong nagpunyagi, hindi nila inaasahan

as the second was announced, there was cheer all over, but it was partly of disappointment
ng ang ikalaway sinambit, nagkaroon ng hiyawan sa buong paligid

as the winner was blurted out i finally understood. they deserve it
ng isinambit ang nanalo aking napagtanto. sila ay karapat dapat

we have been on top for 5 years, its time to give others the chance.
nasa tugatogkami ng 5 taon, panahon na para bigyang pagkakataon ang iba

they only won by .5 points anyway.
nanalo lang naman sila ng mahigit na .5 puntos laban samin


University of the Philippines = Champion
University of Santo Tomas = 1st Runner up
Far Eastern University = 2nd Runner up

----- Results of the 2007 cheerdance competition ------
----- Resulta ng 2007 cheerdance competition -----

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

hindi ako kung ano man iniisip mo / i am not what you think


hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

kung tignan mo ako ay isang epeministang nakabaro ng maliliit na pambaba at pang taas na hapit sa katawan
you look at me as if some efeminate being who dresses kinky bottoms and tight fitting tops

ni minsan hindi ko ninais na magsuot ng ganun
never in my life have i wanted to wear those kind of dresses

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

kung pandirihan mo ako ay parang isa akong nilalang na may nakakapang hawang karamdaman hindi na malulunasan
you are disgusted at me as if i have some incurable disease which you can instantly acquire

malinis ako sa katawan
i am clean with my body

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

ang iniisip mo ay papatulan kita, liligawan o mahuhulog ang loob ko sayo
you think that i would go for you, court you or i might fall for you

hinding hindi ko gagawin yun. ano ako gago? tanga? bobo?
i would never do that. what am i stupid? no-brainer?

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

iniisip mong lalandiin kita, ipagpapalit ang pagkakaibigang naipundar ko na
you think that i would flirt with you, rather choose that than the trust i invested in you

ano ako tanga, sasayangin lng ang tiwalang ipinundar ko na?
what am i stupid, waste away the trust i have given you?

hindi ako bakla
i am not gay

dahil hindi ako bakla
because i am never one

akala ko pa naman ako ay kilala mo na.
i thought you knew me.

mag usap tayo!
lets talk!

Monday, September 10, 2007

mag isa / alone

pasok ka ng pasok wala ka namang inilalabas, patuloy ang pasok mo sa problemang hindi mo kayang panindigan
all you did was to enter though nothing exited, you just placed yourself in problem you can't even solve

hindi ka nag iisip, tanga ka nanaman. pinapasok mga bagay na hindi mo alam ang kalalabasan
you where not even thinking, you stupid guy. involved youself in things you don't even know the outcome

galaw ka ng galaw hindi mo pinadadaan sa isipan mo. ngayon ikiw ay nagmumukmok sa kanto
all you did was do what you wanted without even thinking it over. now you there lonely in the corner

huli na, hindi mo na maaus pa. kaw kasi tatanga tanga.
its too late, you can no longer fix it. its your fault, you were stupid.

bahala na si batman. mag aantay na lang.
i'll just wait and let fate do its job.

umaasang aaus pa ang lahat laht sa aking kamunduan
wishing that everything will be fixed in this world of mine


image courtesy of rewston

Saturday, September 08, 2007

karayum / needle

noong bata pa ako ay hindi ako takot sa karayum
when i was young i was never afraid of neddles

sa katunayan ay mahilig pa akong matusok ng karayun at natutuwa ako sa pag agos ng dugo, nilalasahan ko pa
as a matter of fact i really enjoyed pricking myself with needles and seeing blog rush out gives me satisfaction, i even taste it

pero ngayon ay hindi ko na alam. takot na ako sa dugo
but now i dont know. im afraid of blood

hindi ko alam pero ang sakit ng siringilya sa pag tusok sa aking balat ay sadyang nakakapangilabot. takot na ako sa dugo
i dont know but the pricking of the syringe in my skin gives me the chills, it really gives me doosebumps


ngayon iba na, ngayon masakit ang dating nag bibigay aliw sakin sa kadahilanang hindi ko alam
now its different, what ever was the pleasure of before gives me pain now

hindi ko na ninanais na muli pang matusukan ng siringilya dahil masakit, dahil kahit papaano ay ayoko na makita ang dugo ko. pero...
now i no oonger like to be injected with a syringe because it hurts, because somehow i dont like to see my own blood. but...

kung ang sakit na nadarama ko ay sumusentro sa puso ko ay mas pipiliin ko pa ang siringilya.
if the pain im feeling centers my heart, i rather choose to syringe.

ang hirap pahabain. bat kasi napagtripan kong gawin pang tagalog at english
that was hard. i dont know why i have to do this in two language.


Monday, August 27, 2007

for many years

i have been blog hopping this past few days to catch up with some old bloggers i have known for months, even years, and to know some new bloggers who has been dominating the blog world.

its been many weeks since i posted and became active of the blog world. and i have seen many people develop friendship, gain enemies or even garnered awards. and with those many months that i have been spilling my mind out, i still can't over some facts that has been surrounding, somehow, my mind every time i visit the blog world

some of these things are so far impossible to recreate or to revive that it has given me the down feeling that i wanted to avoid. some were very happy memories that would never again happen. some are those people who made an impact to my life. and some are just those who gives me the satisfied feeling every time i pass their blog

hmmmm...

i really miss the old days where i was friends with them and they were there for me and such cheesiness and stuffs, but like what my friend told me. dont hold on, let go and move on.

i have made so much effort. i dont consider it wasted overtime but still... that's just that

i really hope i could go back to the past and redo those things, but unfortunately. i cant. too bad for me. errors have been made and thing may no longer go my way

Sunday, August 26, 2007

palm top


its was way past my hours of stay in school and i was just killing time at the our org room. actually i was waiting for the reply of "DIWATA" with my question, "sabay ba tayo uwi?"

unfortunately i left my phone at home so i texted her using my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... cellphone. but unfortunately she didn't reply immediately.

tjen the time came that my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... was about to go home, but still there was no reply. so what i decided was that i will jutted done "DIWATA's" number on my palm instead.

i searched for my pen and didn't fpund any. i searched my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... bag for a pen and found her 0.2 technical pen which i didn't use for the reason it has a very pointed edge. next i saw an ordinary pen. but before i could use it my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... told me that it would hurt more if i used that pen o right in my palm because it has no ink. lastly i saw her purple jell pen (purple being her favorite color).

i used the said pen to write her number first. then i decided to include her nickname. o was enjoyings with what i was doing so i decided to include the word "DIWATA", the name i call her, then o also wrote her whole name including her middle name. after that i was still not yet satisfied so i wrote "DIWATA" again. finally i wrote her blogspot name.

hmmm. addicted? maybe but i just had nothing to do.

my colleague/baby sister/CG asst head/TQM coordinator/rain lover/... asked me why i still haven't memorized her number? now i can say i already do.

** parts of the picture was blurred out to protect her identity. mahirap na kasi...

Sunday, August 19, 2007

random and the like

trough the help of my cousin and some news articles i read and watched on television, and with the help of our newly installed DSL from PLDT. i have watched some featured clips from YouTube.


featured clip 1 : This Is Why I'm Hot vs. Spngebob Squarepants





i liked this video because spongebob's mouth fits the timing of the song. this was pinpointed out to me by my cousin.



featured clip 2 : The Pinoy Preso Dancing different songs





this video was shown even on other countries. they did these clips to gather donations for the inmates.


In addition, i have updated my multiply site >ikabudjack<
updated my friendster site >rudolf zeus<
and my deviantart has 1 added deviation due to boredom (not that great though) >DeviantArt<

Saturday, August 18, 2007

almost 2 and a half weeks of death

Friday last last week (Aug. 3)
no classes as declared by dep ed and by ched, registration for the local elections

Saturday last last week (Aug. 4)
no classes as declared by the local administration of U.S.T. for the extension of registration of students

Sunday last week (Aug. 5)
no classes because its rest day for everyone. but there was a general assembly for the manila chapter of the organization of ECE's (IECEP)

Monday last week (Aug. 6)
no classes for Engineering students of the University of Santo Tomas

Tuesday last week (Aug. 7)
no classes from 7am-1pm due to some meeting. our class is up to 2 pm. but our prof decided to cancel the class

Wednesday last week (Aug. 8)
no classes due to 2 reasons
1. Feast of Saint Dominic
2. Heavy rains causing flood

Thursday last week (Aug. 9)
no classes due to heavy rain fall

Friday last week (Aug. 10)
no classes due to heavy rain fall

Saturdays last week (Aug. 11)
YEHEY. classes. we were told of the scope of the prelims for the next week.

during these whole span of time we were given amply time to finish our project due the prelims week the following week. YEY!

Sunday to Monday this week (Aug. 12-13)
no classes

Tuesday this week (Aug. 14)
first day of Prelims (i did not study much so i think ill fail)

Wednesday-Thursday this week(Aug. 15-16)
no classes because of EGAY

this gave me much more time to finish the said project. goody goody for me

Friday (Aug. 17)
supposed to be passing of project but still no classes

Saturday (today)
still no classes


i dont know if im going to be in a happy mood or am i to be bothered by these no classes days. but i think its still a plus factor. i finished my 54 pages project in that span of time so i think its still a blessing for me. it also gave me more time to study. i dot feel like studying and i rather play WORLD OF WARCRAFT under a private server.

anyway. its a good thing that last tuesday (Aug. 14) i saw "DIWATA" and accompanied her to the church i even accompanied her going home. hmmm (sounds wrong grammar) anyway. i am happy ad at the same time bothered.

sana may load sya

Thursday, August 09, 2007

after some time....


strips courtesy of www.explosm.net

i don't know. i just liked these strips. its so....

on the lighter side of things

visit my friendster profile. it is updated. added more photos

hmmm. what more?

well

all i can say is

ako ay nandirito laman
nag aantay upang ikaw ay lumapit
nag aantay sa diwata upng dumapo sa aking puso
nag aantay upang aking pagalingin ang puso mo
lagay ng band aid at betadine ang sugat na dinadala
upang agarang pag hilom ang iong madama
imortante ka na para sa nilalang na ako
kaya kayang mag antay kahit na kontra ang mga tao
madaming nagkakandarapa ngunit sakin ay balewala
dahil hindi importante kung maibalik mo man
basta ako gagawin ko lahat para ikaw ay sumaya
dahil ang saya sayong labi, dampi ng kaligayahan
nag papagaan ng aking buhay na iaalay ko sayo lamang


damn. so cheesy. hope she does read this

hehe

anyway

thanks...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

alone

she is there




but i cant reach her






i can see her barely



but its too dark






i can feel her





but only in my dreams





seems to close



but in reality she is far away