Monday, November 26, 2007

and she said...

a good day to everybody. first of all i would like to thank the following people who have read my post and commented on it, even if its so damn "MADRAMA". i just wanted to express my feelings and i do not know where else to blurt it out but here. th following people are:


bweno, lets start the post, i have wrote in

(literally wrong spelled cause the post was spelled wrong, and instead of changing it to the correct one,i rather left it that way cause the next post to it was related to it. )

that she has told me things got me somehow depressed. she already told me before that we are friends and i am, maybe, one of the very exceptional ones. but i kept on pushing myself in her heart to win her love. but then she told me just days ago those 5 words that a guy would go drama about. but then again, she somehow told me these things in reply to my post.


this may seem so unusual of me to comment on this, but just let me do this, ok?

i love you as a friend.. if you can still remember, i had already said this twice. once, when you asked me about waiting etc, and lastly days before neces' variety show.

i want to say this personally, especially when we talked last wednesday. but honestly, i really don't want you to be hurt in anyway, or anyhow. i value our firnedship, and i'll always be thankful to you, not just because of all the things that you had done for me, but because of the happiness and contentment that i felt during those times when you make me feel how important i am to you. no one has ever touched my heart the way you did, and in my silence, i feel blessed to have you as a friend, and someone, “just” someone, but the ONE who cared the most, and loved the most.

no, i don't want this to be seen by people whom i don't know, my intention is just to say this in a way where i can pour out my emotions and all that's bothering my mind regarding this issue, and things that you have mentioned in the church. yes, in the church. some people may have a grudge on me because i have hurt you, although unintentionally, but still, i know i did, and it hurts me too. i don't want to justify myself to them, because they don't know me personally, and they know you better than me. i'll just let them think whatever they want to think about me. but what i'm concerned is what you think of me after the bliss.

At first, when you said that you somehow like me, I thought that you’re just one of them, just a passerby who comes, says hi, then leave after a short time. No, you’re not. You’re different from all the people I’ve met before. You made me feel happy after all the sadness that I once felt after a grim heartbreak. I thought that i don’t deserve to feel loved, and you proved it all wrong. At times when I feel so down and left out, you’re there by my side, uplifting my spirit, and renewing my views.

No, don’t let me enumerate all the things you have done/gave to me..
- a bottle full of stars
- a goodluck note pinned like those in wish bottles
- borrowed book from you classmate.. I think its an electronics book for our thesis
- a book entitled hope for the flowers, with so many butterflies evolved from two loving caterpillars
- letter
- fixing my blog layout

and so much more.. can’t enumerate, this would be flooding.. I just want to thank you again and again.. really appreciate those a lot. I really really do.

But then, stupid heart, yes, a fool’s heart is all I have. It doesn’t know how to stop, how to end and how to change its choice of the one. If only it knows who to pick so that it’ll not be broken again, if only…, you know it’s going to be you. You know I’m stuck, can’t get loose, cant breathe, can’t move on. Victims, we all are, and victims we’ll all gonna be.

I won’t say goodbye, because for me nothing has ended between us. We are still friends isn’t it?
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:35 am | #

Gravatar Goodbye is not meant for us, goodbyes are for the ones who trashes and leaves it all behind. I will still be here, and when you turn back to see who’s behind, you’ll find me there. But I will not force you, nor tell you what to do. I’ll do what you want, and be the one to adjust, at least, to lessen the pain that I’ve brought you. If I could take it all away from you so you’ll be happy, you know I’ll do it just to see you smile again.

“Then like an answered prayer
I turned you around and found you there

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can cure any fool
Whose dreams have broken apart
Fixing a broken heart

Now I don’t understand what I’m going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Because the hurt just disappears
In every moment that you are near
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear

Soon the rain will stop falling
Let’s forget the past
Cause here we are at last…”
********** | 11.25.07 - 10:38 am | #

i'm sorry if i have to post it here. if you want, you can just erase whatever i've said after reading it, somehow i'm scared of what will happen after this. i will not post this on my blog coz i think they will not understand my point in doing all of this. some people are so narrow-minded, that they wouldn't care to listen.

for your readers, thanks for the time in scanning this somehow lengthy "comment".

"i could not ask for more of the love you gave me... coz it's all i've waited for.. and i could not ask for more.."
********** | 11.25.07 - 11:03 am | #

waaaaaaaa.. i dont know anymore what i am to do

i do not know where to go. waaaaa. somehow i do not know if i am to posts all my thoughts here cause it will be very awkward for me if she read the things i want to say. do not get me wrong, its not that i am to say something bad, but the ideas of what i am to do would be somehow not "surprising" anymore in her part. for she will know what i am to do.


hehe. its almost christmas, and its cold. wakekeke.

anyway. i really do not know what to do...

by the way, the song that was there was the song she told me that she remembers me by, as i have stated in one of my post. wala lang. i just made it bolder and colored red cause i am really happy that a song was something that a person would remember me by.